So what now? Life just suddenly feels like it will be over soon, that gets me wonder if 2012 is really end of the world. But after all, what's more important is the present, the now, that I am in and I am fine for the present being. So much has been going for the past few days, weeks, months and...a year and half. And, that's just life, full of interesting chapters over and over again.
Just over the weekend, I raced Sarawak International Triathlon 2012 and really managed to finish. I have been off from triathlon since 2010 after World Champ in 2009, and racing over the weekend was my first Olympic Distance race in 2 years now. Not much training has been done, considerably not at competitive level, only fitness wise to keep me going. Besides that I got struck by diarrhea badly 3 days prior to the race, and it really got me through hell on race day feeling so dehydrated. But still, I am proud that I finished the whole race in an unfit condition. This is really a good start for me for a comeback in 2012, full-time training will resume in December soon.
Working in WSB has kept me really busy for a year now, it has been really fun and challenging to run this Petronas' project. Though I have sacrificed off my triathlon for a career, I guess it has been the right thing to do to get my life set for a better future. At least I will not be another hopeless athlete without a promising career once retirement from sports. Engineering was never my background, but having the opportunity given by WSB to run the project I have learn much over a year; from mechanical engineering to process engineering. I must say I have picked them up really quick with all the dedication and commitment I have, really well worth it because knowledge is power. I am proud that my work is highly recognized by Petronas and having an honour to be part one of their RCFA Investigation Team, which hardly contractors are not really allowed to be involved. I gotta say that it's been a good learning path by far, though I still have much to learn and improve. Education is endless!
With so much I have done throughout the years, I am still wondering by myself. Many thoughts come true my mind, there're doubts, problems and happy thoughts, which I am fueled with to run a life. Yet, at times like this I still feel empty...I don't have much concern on focusing my goals because I know that I have been progressing well in achieving my target, but it is always the personal life part seems to trouble most.
Yeah, I gotta admit that I have a complicated personal life. It's funny how we can try to balance things in our life but when it comes to Personal Life & Career, it tends to imbalance differently. Likewise, people have once said to me if you're successful in your career then you may encounter problems in your personal life. I do believe that is true in a way because I have seen how it has affected me in the past till now. It is not about balancing because dedication and commitment are important in achieving goal. I tried hard to allocate time into my personal life but it is just never enough to do so because I am just too pre-occupied with my goals. I am seeing most of my friends having settle down and got married with kids, while I am still a...soon-to-be bachelor? Mr. Lonely?
Well, relationship has always been something really tough to have for me. It's not easy to handle because I do feel part of it has something to do with my ego. As much as I would like to have time for it, I would lose out on my targets too. This requires a partner to be supportive and able to compromise, but somehow I have not met one yet. But Syaza did, was the only one who did, which was long time ago. So yeah, I have changed much since I met Sharon but things just never workout really well for her. Lately, we've fallen apart which I don't even feel sad about it surprisingly. She has made me feeling so numbness because of what she has done making me so unappreciated. She has really cut my heart out a lot in this relationship. But...I finally took a stand to call it off, though I left in a harsh way. It was never really in my motive to quarrel with her over small matter, but that numbness she's made in me got me do so automatically. It got me asking myself why I would wanna quarrel with her over small matter for a break up. It wasn't about anger problem because I didn't even feel angry within at all. It just felt the need to unleash that numbness she's done.But she has left, which I will never ever get to really tell her the truth anymore as I know she wouldn't bother to listen.
Life is just like and empty cup, you can fill it with water or juices or any kind of drinks you favour...Starbucks? It's really a choice to be made by ourselves. I've made mind in a way for Sharon, now that I am by myself I no longer have to worry much. Another chapter of life will begin as MD soon, and return to my life as a Pro-Triathlete for 2012 season. But for now, I leave my cup empty for good...=)
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