The Fallen Path

The moment when I look back, it felt long...long enough to be forgotten how it was, how it felt, wisely all the memories were gone. The past has left a trail, a trail that I would never walk back where nothing else matters. I failed once, I failed twice, I failed more, yet I learned more and earned to be better.

Fair enough; perhaps the time has come again of all these very moments never thought love would reappear again, and float itself onto the surface of the oceanic paradise, and slowly drifted into the shore. I questioned myself numerous times, perhaps even more, yet I could not seem to answer the very questions that matter.

I was being left wondering once again, left nowhere but feeling lost and no direction to be seen. Yet, it has only been the very path I took of who I am. Till that day came, I met her...a her in the heart of soul which tells a tale of romance and love. Instantly, it felt just like how it was long ago. But this time, it feels even more different.

I could no longer describe them in words; actions have it all, eaten upon the moon slowly towards its 15th day. It was coming to a circumstances where the white mask has been thrown overboard again, nearly and closely to its avail. And so I did, walk with freedom towards a portal that set me to the nature of its course that called...love.

Indeed, my heart has been felt hollow for so long, so empty, the empty space as if it's been lost to another dimension unknown to mankind. Nothing has ever filled it up since God knows when, neither do I nor my soul remember. Yet, the judgmental figure of appearance has given stories that created the white mask. And, never been defeated in his league since then.

It felt tingle, a sudden static or movement felt deep within a heart. First thought death was coming from afar for a visit, second thought when the beat went tumbling up and down, and thirdly the warmth felt in the rush of a kind. Truly as she is, someone special indeed and never had an expected thought fallen into the path.

Lovely she holds in the smile, a little naughty in her way where the sun comes and shown happiness. Never have I met someone so special, special to the valleys and mountains beyond the imagine. Yet, what have that caused the the white mask to be unseen again, once more.

But then, it is the time when I realized if there is something more than meet the eyes, it's gotta be something that has unfold and filled the emptiness into a cold rainbow night. Wonderful sounds it may, or truthfully words to words from the very heart of mine.

Yet, a miracle has occurred itself in this very path. Quite a distinctive way must I portray, as true enough it has always been difficult to fall in love. Not that I'm demanding or higher profiling, but it is the fate of hearts that count in between.

Still I wonder, left with questions and thoughts of the soul. But determine as I shall be given a chance again to overcome such a wonderful manner; as she is just too special. A smile she has brought onto me never has anyone did, and foremost I enjoyed her company of laughters and joys in these very days of the horizon beyond the eyes' vision.

by Jacques Yvez

"Specially for Sharon; I've fallen for you...I love you"

The iron heart of a Woman

Strong she is, effortlessly day in and out she worked tirelessly. Heavy rocks felt on her shoulder as she had to carry them through the pressure and stressful environment, it was never an easy task for a woman to handle.

Having to wake up in the early, or even days before she had to consume all the time and effort for a wonderful day. Paid off indeed it has, tirelessly it was never an easy task. To many, simplicity bear in all minds but the reality bites.

For a beauty to venture into one of a kind, it's truly an amazing talent to be well spoken off. A heart of courage and will were never meant to be found yet meant to be discover. A well hidden soul beneath such has once again being brought into the daylight, what was once unseen has been the reality that meets the eyes.

While venture; risky and filled hazards are part of the nature's call. Never a beauty would dream of a day that steps upon such adventure. How unimaginable it is when the impossible defines all that thought.

Under the scorching heat, she did what she could to assure no harms to anyone but pure excitement and what has be known to everyone a memorable day. A day that created history, a gratefulness to the pioneers.

Never expected to witness a smile of her's. amazing it is. Indeed it has brought onto a smile to me, simply indescribable with no words afar. Further than beyond the horizon one can see.

Truly it is, a thousand words tell it all the tale one needs to know and remember. Remember for whom they are and never have your thoughts be fooled to the lowest expectations. Be ware and warned, the heart of an iron will is great and dominant as one would never expect.

Yet, such will and courage have once been found again.

By Jacques Yvez

Xterra Malaysia 2009

"Oh god, the rain is coming...", said Jack deep within his mind figuring that gloomy weather wasn't a good sign at all. Seconds later, heavy rain poured right after an average gradient slope with an easy climb. The cold droplets of rain water came pouring in like no other, without a doubt it felt good as heat was slowly being diminished.

Again, what was Jack thinking? "Oh no, it's raining. And...I can't handle the ride, damn!", for a moment Jack felt the difficulties coming as the ground started to become slippery.

"I better be careful, just like what Chris Lieto has advised not to crash", Jack reminded himself after the thought of Chris Lieto's wise advice given during a chat, and was indeed remembered well because Jack has always been someone to take advice seriously. Never a doubt, he spends no seconds away from paying attention to other things other than what is more crucial to his objectives.

It came to a thought, as it constantly popped out, where this was his very first Xterra and never before he had done this before, not even in biathlon. So Jack started to remember the days where he started mountain biking at the age of 15, those days were gone and never had it faded away from his mind. It felt just like how it was; the adrenaline and excitement, as if he was in a playground of his own, yet back to reality it was Xterra Malaysia.

Not long after the thought, it was time to bike into the oil palm plantation again. It was still raining heavily, the pouring sound of fights between cats and dogs were enough to shut the world. His Oakley began to fill with fog, and the trail became to alter into a slippery field. Then, the signboard appeared; remembering what Geoff has said during the briefing session, "Watch out for the caution sign which indicates the downhill section, and with 3 arrows". Knowing something was up ahead of him, in no time the slope began to descend as speed was picking up.

And moments later...

"Oh shit, fuckin' hell..." yelled as he falls to the ground, slamming his left wing onto the solid ground and slide downhill for a few seconds. The pain came at the very moment, yet it was a short while where it felt numb. Jack began to worry as he fell; it wasn't the concern of his body but the bike. Yet the bike was fine, so went on as he should...

Earlier before the race, it was a beautiful morning though it felt humid. Jack woke up at first, while Razani and Albert were still in bed. It was to Jack's surprise that he had a perfect sleep without a single wake, knowing his sleeping disorder didn't affect him would be what was gonna be a perfect day.

A day will be remembered by all.

When the sun was about to make its way through, Razani and Jack arrived at the race site just enough time to set up what the needs were. It was a good chat with fellow Sam Gardner, Scott Thorne, Mike Vine and Renata Burcher when Jack was lucky to line up together with them. Good old early morning English jokes set the mood for such a race. So as he has expected, the first Xterra Malaysia has indeed received good response internationally.

Jack pretty much enjoyed what was thought to be a tense environment but ended really friendly and fun. It was his first time meeting everyone whom he has known for years in Facebook and Pipot; Wendy (the most beautiful girl whom his ex-gf has always got jealous of), Elaine the bunny that goes happy-go-lucy in Facebook, Stupe (a fine gentlemen with great personality), not to mention Nadia whom Jack has just met seem really attractive after all among hundreds of women he could see that very morning, then of course there was Emma Bishop a fine lady with a beauty indescribable yet a woman of strong will and great spirit, Shazly the man who made it all possible to have Xterra in Malaysia and so as Geoff the coolest dude.

The transition area was a great set up, it was really according to the international standard, for awhile Jack could feel as if he was back in ITU triathlon format but no doubt he was in Xterra. Before Jack went into the sea for the warm up, he ran into this girl from MAS whom he had met the day before, Fiza, a really lovely lady with a great smile. As the very moment she appeared, that smile of her's really brought a beautiful day of butterflies and flowers flow in the air of freedom in love, perhaps. Fiza was there with her camera, there she had a little chit chat with Jack and caught a few shots of him in her camera. Hopefully she does keep a few pictures of him so she knows where to find, as both of them have agreed. Jack would definitely love to date her of course; such a fine and beautiful shall be missed not and yet be treasured and valued. Again, Jack hopes to see her again someday in the lake where he fishes.

So off Jack went to the sea for a warm up; the sea condition felt great and jellyfish has always been in his expectations, nonetheless it was in a pool or canal. The water felt good, and the current wasn't strong enough so the swim wouldn't be so tough. So as it was 8 o'clock, it started on time precisely. It was a great start and keeping it accordingly to the schedule was a great thing, thumbs up for the organizers!

Ahead into the swim, Jack ran into a beautiful jellyfish and left with love bites and kisses of lust, it felt great. Having used to train in the sea so often, Jack no longer felt jellyfish would come in his ways. Perhaps, it was just another kisses he always wanted which didn't stop him from swimming ahead. After the first lap in the second, he knew he was in the first pack with little swimmers ahead of him.

So when Jack jumped into the second lap, it was time to get close up and put in some speed. The swim leg was rather easy because the sea was calm and nothing difficult at all. Knowing the swim was smooth, yet what lies ahead in the bike leg could be a terror. As Jack jumped out of the water, he could hear Stupe announcing his name; for moment he felt proud to be a Mirian, but on second thought he's just another Malaysian. That ignorance was the only way to keep him focus in the race, nothing more should ever distract him.

When he was running into the transition, all that noises he could hear were shouting his name but not knowing who they were. Yet, he could feel Fiza was one of them. It took quite awhile to get out of the transition area, as he did not have his clip pedal with him. Jack was hopeful that he could finish the race in his running shoes.

Right after the first crash, it taught him a little lesson where he has to put more efforts into his technical skills. Yet, the bike leg has toasted him to waste 30mins as Jack could no longer go any faster after the first crash. Then, it came the second crash again as it was just too slippery. A decision had to be made in order to finish the race, and that’s when he remembered Chirs Lieto saying don’t crash and hammer on the climb. So Jack decided to take it easy on the bike leg, having to lose 30mins was a lot!

The last 5km was a killer, as Jack did not expect it to be the final path to the resort on the sandy beach. It was too soft to be ridden; the initial ride had let him wasted so much energy and putting all the efforts in were just too much of a waste for the run leg. People were cursing and yelling in that particular section as Jack could hear them out loud. But fair enough to Jack as this was Xterra, the more extreme it gets the better!

The transition into the run leg was fast; for a second Jack felt lucky to have his camelpack on and not to rely on water stations. As he went into the run…

“I didn’t come here to lose, I didn’t come here to win either…but I came here to finish, and not to give up”, said to himself in a soft voice.

Jack could feel the stiffness in his legs; it was tough as they were exhausted from the crash and sandy section. They cramped all of a sudden, though it was painful but it didn’t stop his running. From all the conditioning training he has underwent, adaptation is something Jack has learned most throughout his training regiment for ITU triathlon. And that same concept applied well for Xterra. Even with the cramp, Jack didn’t bother to stop running but just kept going forward. Not knowing what was pushing him through the pain, yet pain has always been pleasurable and delicious. It felt good to know the finishing line was too far from where he was, many bikini girls were by the beach having a good day. Not to mention he saw one nipple pop out as he was on the way the finishing line. And there it was, Xterra Malaysia 2009, the first race in Southeast Asia, and foremost it was Jack’s first ever Xterra. Finishinf 2nd in Age-Group 20 - 24 category, with a time of 3:07mins. Jack felt happy about it, and being the sixth guy outta swim was great.

It was indeed a great experience and fun; so many challenges came and made him a better person today. Knowing his weakness is the most important thing for improvement, having fear is the factor that gives a greater will and courage, and it is beliefs of self in the path to victory.

Once again, Xterra has marked its history making. Fantastic it was, extremely it was, and most of all the spirit of all competitors has it alive.

By Jacques Yvez

Upon the Soul

A thousand horses marched in times afar,
A soul sailed in times to return,
Long after times have long kept in jar,
Love finds Him in kingdom's return.

Be gone has he for unknown,
Forgotten many has begun to unfold,
Yet slithers he amongst us,
Fear him not for He loves.

Slowly he will walk upon you,
In shadows of phantom wise he is,
Fear not for thirst of revenge in him,
Vengeance of Love colored world of times in Him.

Fear runs in land of love,
Ruins in the eyes of Love,
Diminish loves in all comes greater fear,
And shall him succeed in the vengeance of lust.

by Jacques Yvez

The Quality of Both

What works without an opposite direction? There can be answers to this question in different angles, where as I will only fully compromise this answer to the application of love and hate. A thought came when a Christine described how much her love and hate for her father has come in distances, and yet it has given her a wonderful and truly meaningful life. What a lucky girl she is!

Love, what does that mean to you? Now, I have defined that in previous article last year, Love and Like, if have read you would probably remember. So again, love is the emotion of affection and it feels great indeed. But many have been shattered as well because overly blinded by their own desire of lust and love's betrayal. So when shattered, what comes next? Sadness? Anger? Devastation? Depression? And hate of course?

Well, these are what probably each and every one of us has gone through or everyone will have to go through anyway. As part of the growing process in life, certain stages must be encountered and fought. It is certain that it contributes to the life-learning journey of all to grow up to the real world.

So yes, Love and Hate cooperate effectively together, don't you think? Of course, people would often say nothing is ever perfectly good or bad but I say many are perfectly balanced. Perfectly balanced? Indeed, nothing would work without having some challenges and obstacles to overcome as to be better and further improve of course. Take a second to this thought...What would love be without hate? And what would hate be without love?

If love works completely without hate, do you think people will ever treasure or value each other even more? Or even without love, how do you counteract hate? Hence, hate would be far more devastating without love which comprehensively means more people will die through hatred. Of course, hate will not often resolve problems as it would just get bigger and bigger, so as love. When love is overwhelmed, it can be out of control as well which means loving crazily would be terrible enough to tear you apart from your own life.

Thus, the actions between love and hate work perfectly together as partners. By having to cooperate together in this bond, it comes in both ways. Perhaps, I should also mention that directions come in both too; left and right, or up and down, or forward or backward. Does it make sense now? It is the contrast of how it affects each other in the process of loving and hating.

Effectively, we will be able witness the consistent development of a situation. Likewise, when he loves her up to a level where he doesn’t seem to get enough spaces of his own life and constantly on the lookout for her. At the end when he is fed up, he would blame her for the lame forsaken life of his. Which, she wouldn’t like to be blamed of course and she would hate him for that. So tell yourself now, what do you see in this situation? What the outcome will be?

But in my assumption to this outcome is that of course they will break up if the quarrel is beyond their control, and matters do not resolve appropriately. Hence, both will be given time and space to restructure their own life. But throughout the process of restructuring, either one or both will realize the truth, the truth of anything within in the relationship which in the end contributes to the solution factors to resolve the issue (it doesn’t happen to all relationship).

Hence, you see the effects of love and hate together as a whole to accomplish an effective journey part of life. Being able to realize the truth would mean forgiveness and tolerance, and which is great for couples who are able to take it that way in order to further improve the relationship. So here is the good thing about love, it gives you comfort and warmth for you know you are being valued. And as for hate, it gives you anger and a trigger to know what the mistakes or negativity is which in the end helps you to be a better person.

That balance among love and hate are well dwelled within us, as we are humanly enough to carry out those emotions or behavior within us. It doesn’t only apply to love and hate, but so as many else such as happy and sad, sweet and bitter, light and darkness, honesty and lies, etc. But the foremost component that we all know is the right and wrong, as that is the crucial fundamental of the universe. Then again, right and wrong work well perfectly together as well where one belongs to another. Wouldn’t it be meaningless without another? Or perhaps I should ask it this way, what if either the male and female species exist without one and another?

Then, the counteractions of all would not exist in the world as we all know and live through today. So as the point to this article, I hope it is clear to you how the life circle revolves around us. It is part of us, every one of us; no one is able to escape the reality of truth. But yet, then till time comes when it is your turn to encounter such matter and it would be better you’re prepared rather than you’re not, because knowing what’s truth would always help you to walk further in a journey.

By Jacques Yvez

Diary #643

Sunny Day

Today, I saw you. It has been a long time since I last saw you, and I never thought I would see you again. You were not too far away from me, then I saw you coming. I was delighted to see you, and I was indeed happy.

I wanted to greet you, I wanted to give you a smile, and I wanted to be your friend. Yet, you were too far from where I was. It was crowded and humid, I could see the lovely smile of yours but yet it wasn't me you were smiling at.

I was hiding, trying to run away from you. But I knew from time ago, I no longer exist in you. I was no one else but a stranger, and I was nothing else but invincible to you. Neither you could see me nor I could see you, perhaps it was a deal we made back then.

Again, I was happy to see you. I wish I could talk to you, and even take a smile from you...I really wish I could, and yet deep in me I couldn't. I denied, and I ignored for I assume you wouldn't, would you? I will not know the answer, neither you as well. But yet, I miss you.

I wish we can be friends again, nothing more but just friends. Even just a word would be good enough, I ask for nothing more. I'm sorry if you still hate me, but that hate has been long forgotten in me. I beg no mercy nor pity, but yet just a happy smile in you.

When you passed me by, I knew you were by my side. We both knew we're running away from something truthful, perhaps it is again a deal we made. I saw your eyes, though my eyes were hidden and never to be seen yet I lied. The moment you passed by...I smiled to you from my heart, and greeted you from my heart.

Your wavy hair was felt upon me, yet...I couldn't say a word to you. But yet, today you left me with a memory after 642 days which is I will never forget. It was truly pure I felt, and truly beautiful. However, I said to myself perhaps one day I shall tear the deal apart and venture to my guts. Would you ignore or accept? I wouldn't know.

What has passed is a past, and I no longer look back again at them for once. Only what's left of the happy still unfold at times when reminded. I truly had a great life in you, and yet I have even a greater life now. But don't be sorry nor angry, for I never blamed you as you did what you had to.

Yet, I really wandered of all these times. For who I was, I have given you tears and pain. For whom I was, I have given you joy and laughter. Yet in who I am today, if only I'm not Jacques Yvez...could it have been the same?

by Jacques Yvez

P/S: Syaza, may you be blessed for always...

Curtin's 10th Anniversary

Ten years ago, when Curtin was first established in Miri, it was still a minor institution to be a start. They had a small campus down in Riam Road Secondary School without large number of students as well. But since then, it was a start of a promising future; a future for better education and a future for all students. It has been 10 years now, a decade.

Time has truly flown across a sky of stars. and a journey made upon so far has indeed shown constant birth of innovation. Currently, Curtin has its own campus and is still expanding. It takes time of course, but however as time goes by we will be able to witness the development of Curtin.

I am proud to be one of Curtin's students I must say, and it has been a great pleasure to study in Curtin. Lecturers have done really great job after by delivering the knowledge of the education to students, and the university itself has given a great environment for students.

Even though a decade may not be seen as long enough compare to other universities around the world, yet Curtin is consistently seeking chances and opportunities for itself to further improvement and development. No doubt that it is taking time and yet shall we all be the witness of this growing tree in Curtin will be from a fruitful day to a fruitful season.

Fair enough, students of course will always have the opportunity to pursue a future career, and that is a promise. Yet, students must take their own commitment and hardwork to a better level. Furthermore, whatever we are able to gain is what will be a future in our lives.

Happy Birthday Curtin!

by Jacques Yvez