Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Feeling Light?

I weighted myself again in the morning, almost every morning, and it appears that I have been losing weight drastically lately. Before the Sarawak International Triathlon 2011, I had diarrhea and got badly dehydrated from it, my weight still remained at 73kg. But lately, it has been going down dramatically which I do not really know how this could be happening.

My current weight is only 70kg, which means I have lost 3kg lately. I gotta admit that I have not been sleeping and eating well. Could this be the contribution factor? I am not so sure, because I have been doing my training as well. I am not burning as much as I did, unlike previous full-time training I was burning fats vigorously.

Thus, my body seems to have very low fats once again. I'm losing my muscle mass too, which means I am slimming down quite fast. My appetite has been that consistent, I just couldn't eat much. There were times where I had to force myself to eat, with only a few spoon and I would be full, and drinking water makes me wanna vomit. It feels like as if my body is not accepting nutrition any longer.

I do not know why this is happening even though I am forcing myself not to be in hunger, because I still need energy in everything that I do. I used to love McD a lot, but right now even with a Double Cheeseburger places in front of me I also don't wanna take a bite. I feel like I am sick of foods, I just feel like I can't really accept foods.

This is not a good thing to be happening to me, because it has weaken my body. I only have a choice to take some glucose each day to sustain myself, yet I still need to force myself to drink. With very little sleep, I do not feel tired because I would just wake up automatically. Lately, I have only been sleeping for almost 6 hours a day on average; 1 hours during the day (or none sometimes), and 5 hours or less during the night.

I don't really feel zombiefied, I still feel driven and alive in a way. But somehow this is telling me that my body is not living in the state of the normal condition. Sometimes, I feel like my body is shutting down slowly – that feeling is just horrible. The worst comes at night where I would feel very cold, I guess this is because of very low fat in my body.

My performance in my training lately has made a huge come back. I am gaining better times and improvement gradually. I am surprised indeed, I guess I am slowly regaining my strength back and yet there is a price to pay for. I used to take 5 meals a day, because I have had high metobolism rate during active training days. And right now, I am only taking a meal or two in a day, just because my body is not accepting foods well.

I hope this is not some kinda of health issue, though what's going on in my mind has been bothering me a lot and very torturing. But I can feel that I am going through some sort of transformation, which I know, that will enhance my performance in triathlon. Though I am weighting at 70kg now, I hope I am still healthy to live my life.

I love myself, it is the only thing I have now which is myself. I'm gonna live this life to my best, and spread myself selflessly into freedom.

Bievennue, Jacques Yvez!

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