25 Years

25 years ago, I was just a little infant who just came out of a womb. My mother gave me my very life; I took my first breath and cried, and that's when the journey had began. A journey of a life that lives in the world of wonder, so many adventures and obstacles.

From an infant to a little kid who was trying to take a first leap of faith; learn to walk. That was the hardest thing any one of us could ever encounter, yet that was the very beginning of everything in life. That meant a lot, not just physically, but both mentally and spiritually in value. Something so simple, learning to walk a first step, can mean so much and yet it is something that we could hardly remember, as no one does remember their very own first step but it is only to be told as witnessed. My parents were happy to witness my first step as a child; a first step towards life, a step onto the world, and a first step into life.

Indeed, that was the beginning of everything; from walking to running, then from running to sprinting, and from sprinting to jumping. Amazingly, human nature can take its own course of nature to progress gradually and naturally. Yet, we learn to read and see things for ourselves; able to reason and differentiate the good and bad for us as taught to be. But not all were that way, yet I was lucky and blessed to be raised in a good manner in good faith and dignity.

Growing up as a kid; I was playful, kept many options to myself in all things that I could try. I had never stopped exploring, and most of all I had never stopped having fun according to my father. And according to my mum, I had never stopped eating too because I love foods. So perhaps, that was a very wonderful childhood of mine as being happy and active were the way to live for me. Yet, at that age I couldn't see the future but just to live as I wanted to be.

I remember, when my father first took me to the swimming pool when I was only 7...and that's when it all started, the passion for swimming. It felt good to play in the water, I loved it and I just wanted to stay in the water for as long as I could. That's how it is in human nature, we just love to do things that make us feel good or satisfied. So then, I took up swimming lesson and it became a sport to be a swimmer. But I was never too serious in swimming because as a kid I was still having fun a lot and never stop trying and venturing into other sports. And, I never questioned myself why I should stay to one sport instead of keep trying others. My father used to question and lecture me a lot regarding that, as he wanted me to focus well in swimming. But I just couldn't keep that virtue, as the urge to try new things in life was so strong that I couldn't resist...so, I have never bothered to stop trying over and over and over again, till these very days!

People always say how one person can be such a daydreamer in life that they do not live in reality. Yet, to me dreaming is a key to a start of something new; something that would carry you forward, or a step ahead into a new era. Dream enables you to see things that others do not see, dream tells you tales that others do not know off, and dream shows you the nonexistence into the existence. Then again, many people are tended to be blinded by reality because of the fact that there is a need to survive in this world. Survive? Survive as simple as it is, is just a word to describe what a human has to do to live in this world; in terms of the environment and the community or society they are in. Yet, that defines how carried away we can be when we are attracted to what is more important then ourselves, our very own life.

Some people find lives through what they do, some find it through what they can do, and some find it through how they can do. Perhaps, most individuals have their very own definition of this in their very own life. While here I am, I have my own as I have lived to tell a tale of my very own journey. I was once a dreamer; always dream of being somebody some day, always dream of achieving something some day, and always dream of getting somewhere or something some day. And however, those dreams were no longer fictional dreams when they have already become a reality in my life as I am the living dream, doing what I want and achieving what I want, living it the best I can to be what I want and whatever it takes all that can to catch a dream of my own; and that's my life, the dreamer of a living dream.

Living a dream was just a dream comes true, it is a reality to live as everything starts with nothing and become something. Believe it or not, spaces exist among us all and yet we do not intend to see it. When dream comes true, life gets interesting and it also progresses to the next level. As we grow older, we start to realize the importance of love; love of a soul, caring, partnership, passion and romance. Then, we started to become a soul searcher at some age and got deeply madly in love for the first time.

Being in love for the first time would be an unforgettable adventure for most of us; sadly, some people do end their lives for their first adventure, however I had mine with fun. From falling in love to falling out of love, from joy to pain, and from smile to tears; as dramatic as it could be, love comes in all forms of life. Yet, love is only a feeling of affection that surrounds every one of us. I am truly grateful for the love I have from my family and friends, and of course for the ones that I love and that I adore in my heart is highly appreciated too. And somehow, I just realized how much love I have around me and I am just never short of love in this world, especially the love of God to mankind himself.

For now, being the 25 and I only get to be 25 once, while looking back the past 25 years I am truly grateful for who I am today. Life today is just so wonderful as there were from the past as well. Today, I asked my mother "Mum, how was it like 25 years ago when I was born?" and she would never hesitate to recall the story over and over again. Today is the 25th time she told, as it is a story to be told once a year; a story of my birth. I love my mother, her love has given me so much in the past till presence. And to her having the first child was something truly wonderful 25 years ago; and to look at me now, I'm all grown up from a little infant 25 years ago. I was once relying on her and my father to teach me how to walk, now that I am on my own feet it is just so independent that I'm set freely in this world to live my life.

I love my life, as I love who I am for what I have become. Life has been a dream comes true in me, and life has been wonderful in me. 25 years of adventure and I'm still going, never stop living the passion that I have and never stop being the me that I have always been. Most of all, I have not stopped achieving what I wanna do in my life. 25 is only a number, what ahead is a greater future and everything is just gonna get better and better. Life comes in challenges remember, but I'm only human enough to do this because obstacles never fail for success, and to succeed is to learn from failure, and to learn from failure is to never give up. All that takes is just a little faith; a little faith that carries you through time. Time tells it all, all there is in life.

25 years of Jack; and here I am living the me that I am. Thank you all for the birthday wishes, I am truly grateful and pleased with your heart of warmth. May you be blessed in life and do whatever you do for the best that can be in your life...God Bless!

by Jack Ho

The Disappointment of a Sponsorship

One month of life in Australia, it's been a great experience; and not to mention I have learn a lot this time. Competing at the ITU World Championship was not easy, as it's not some hanky-panky race that anyone can imagine. The Australian Uni Games was fun, totally something different than I expected. But after all, I had a great time along with all the challenges I overcame.

Besides, behind all these great times and achievements there has been the downside of it as well. And I never thought how terrible this is to me and others; it is a total disappointment. My trip was all funded by Curtin University of both Perth and Miri's campus, which I am grateful. But in the end, due to the delay of booking resulted under-budget as prices of flights and hotel increased closer to travel period. It was never expected that such a simple task can be delayed due to management's policy and procedures; likewise, it is said this is just another typical Malaysian culture.

So, by the time I was in Gold Coast for ITU World Champ the domestic flight tickets between Brisbane and Perth were still not being purchased. Initially I had already planned earlier to travel back to Perth for 2 weeks before Australian Uni Games, which the Uni Games was 2 weeks later after ITU World Championship. This was basically help to cut cost by not traveling back to Malaysia back and forth, as it would cost highly and timely too. So it was all included in the calculated and approved budget, and it was their responsibility to make all the necessary bookings and arrangements. Yet, the ticket to Perth was only purchased the day before the World Championship.

I was pretty stress out actually, I couldn't focus well in my race having to worry all the bookings were not done appropriately. I had to chase after emails and do all the follow-up by myself, and having to race at World Championship I needed to get my race arrangement done too. It was a totally hectic week the moment I arrived in Gold Coast, and I was not happy with the situation I had to encountered especially with the domestic flight issue.

And when they finally purchased the ticket to Perth, I felt a relief so I wouldn't have to get stuck in Gold Coast that weekend. But, they only purchased one way ticket and not both ways because they were short of RM$700. So verbally, they told me they would work it out next 2 weeks to get me back to Gold Coast for Uni Games. In the end, it turn out uglier than I expected.

The return ticket was costing at RM$2315, one way only, when both ways only cost RM$2400 and they didn't purchase it fully because there was a short of RM$700. And coincidently, the week before Australian Uni Games was Hari Raya which happen that most people were on leaves in Curtin Miri. So that meant nobody was gonna get me my flight; I got an email from one of them saying needed to wait till everybody is back to work by the following week after Hari Raya. I was so pissed, absolutely pissed, when I saw the email written that way because it was so clear before that the Australian Uni Games was the following week. Hence, I knew something fishy was wrong. Did they actually pay attention to my schedule written in the proposed budget and competition details? Were they trying to twist story and run away from the situation? Being irresponsible? But it got even more interesting as time went along.

So I typed and email to Curtin Perth's EAFU coordinator and Uni Games coordinator; I told them I had to make a decision that if Curtin Miri couldn't get me the flight back to Gold Coast I would have to forfeit from Uni Games and return to Miri from Perth by AirAsia. I personally did not have the money to afford the flight back to Brisbane, I only had the right amount to survive in Australia for a month. Then, I was called up to attend a meeting with the coordinators in Curtin Bentley which it got very interesting during the meeting.

Firstly, the coordinators were telling me there was no representation of Curtin at ITU World Championship because I was not wearing the cycling jersey given during the race and neither of Curtin appeared on my tri-suit, and the achievement I made was more likely a personal achievement; and the following they said since if I was gonna forfeit from the Uni Games, I have to refund the amount sponsored because out of 3 designated competitions (ITU World Champ, Ananconda Adventure Race, & Uni Games) I only competed one. So that statement really confused me at first; because they mentioned I did not represent Curtin at ITU World Champ and in the end said outta 3 competitions I only represented ONE (ITU World Championship) which I went speechless for a moment. The cycling jersey was clearly to be meant for the Uni Games because I was gonna compete in the Cycling event; which also to define "cycling" jersey is meant for "cycling" event, and not triathlon.

My thought was; how could I wear the cycling jersey at a triathlon world championship because ITU has a set of uniform rules. This is a triathlon world championship organised by International Triathlon Union (ITU), and they are very strict. Even on my tri-suit, very limited amount of spaces are given to allocate sponsor's representation and it's very costly to get the printings done which was not included in the budget. I was competing in my tri-suit from previous sponsorship, as Curtin only gave me a cycling jersey for the Uni Games, and I even wore that cycling jersey during the open ceremony.

So, what was the actual point of saying I did not represent Curtin at ITU World Championship? Just an excuse or reason to get the funded money back? You be the judge of that. Then, the coordinators suggested that I better get someone to help me out to get the flight ticket back to Brisbane and get Curtin Miri to reimburse upon return; which I could see no guaranteed.

So after the meeting, I typed an email back to Curtin Miri regarding the situation if I do not make it to Uni Games I had to refund the total amount funded back to Curtin Perth and yet there was no reply not until a week later when I was in Gold Coast where they mentioned Curtin Miri could not fund anymore and will only explain why when I return to Miri. So at the end, I had to request a help from a friend of mine to purchase a ticket back to Brisbane to get to Uni Games; which means I BORROWED money to do so, so I am in debt of RM$2315!!! I was shocked when I saw the email from Curtin Miri while I was in Gold Coast; my mood was just being ruined and had no motivation to race at all because having to be in debt is really a burden and pressure.

After the Uni Games, I came back to Miri and attended a meeting on Monday morning. And, I was even stunned by what were being mentioned; they did not see how competing in ITU World Championship is a representation for Curtin (same point mentioned as Curtin Perth), and did not know this race is included in the budget as Uni Games was the only designated race (Wow!!!). So I got even more confused and stunned this time by the fact that there has been a big twist and turn of story and also pretending. And, Curtin Miri could not reimburse the amount for the return flight ticket to Brisbane because there is no more budget and couldn't justify why I had to go to Perth. I was just too shocked, because during the previous meetings it was mentioned clearly that staying in Perth will help to cut cost and traveling time, which was being approved in the budget.

I am really disappointed with how things have turn out; before I traveled to Australia, the races were stated clearly in the budget and schedule details (ITU Triathlon World Championship and Australian Uni Games) which was being approved, and the coordinators even made numerous confirmations where it was all out in the press media too. Then now, I am being criticized at some point by using the issue where I did not wear the jersey during the race in ITU Triathlon World Championship. Even before I left for Australia, in numerous meetings these races were mentioned clearly that I was gonna compete and I even get well wishes from everyone. And now, how can they pretend that they do not know I was gonna compete at ITU World Championship? Again, everything was stated clearly in the budget and schedule before it got approved and if not I would have not received so much money to go to Australia.

It feels unfair and really disappointed, because I was not the only one who raced in ITU Triathlon World Championship from Curtin University. Andrew Tyack who was racing in the sprint category and did not wear the cycling jersey during the race as well, yet he wasn't being criticised. And furthermore, the Curtin newsletter was published today and where they congratulated Andrew for competing in ITU World Championships Sprint Category and Ananconda Adventure Race, while I did not get any words for competing in the ITU Triathlon World Championship Olympic Distance (742th overall over 2000 triathletes and Uni Games (18th Time Trial). Andrew and I are both funded by Curtin to compete at the 3 designated races; which are ITU Triathlon World Championship, Anaconda Adventure Race and Australian Uni Games. So both of us are equaled that we competed 2 out of 3; and yet, I was the one being criticized of competing at ITU Triathlon World Championship was a personal achievement and not a representation for Curtin. Then being left to be responsible for the cost of debt; just because they are out of budget and delayed all the bookings which put the troubles onto me by pushing the faults onto me as well. How irresponsible is that?

So now that I am in debt of RM$2315, which feels a burden to me and I gotta find a way to work this out as Curtin Miri wouldn't reimburse. After all these problems that I see of how they push problems and avoid the fact from one and another; it does tell me how unreliable this sponsorship is. I am totally disappointed, so as many. Should I continue to represent Curtin and still market the EAFU Program for them? I doubt it, as I am thinking twice because I do not wish other athletes to go through the same thing as I did. It is just terrible, as this has really distracted me from focusing from the races.

After all, who is it to blame? To many of you out there, you know who and I don't have to spill it out. This is my blog and I write whatever I want where this is a freedom to write and speak out my mind in my own writings, this is a disclaimer to all readers before someone tries to sue me over this.

Gold Coast ITU World Championships 2009 – Race Day

Race day; it is the day that I have trained for, the day that I have been dreaming of, the day that I have been waiting to compete in for all my life in triathlon. I spent all my life swimming, cycling and running where it all came down to this very day, the biggest day of my life. I didn’t come here to lose or win, but I came to do my best with all that I have.

I woke up quite early in the morning to get myself ready for the race, as the bus shuttle leaves at 5am. Everyone seemed very nervous that morning in the bus; everyone was just keeping quiet and focused well ahead. So as I, kept my mind to my music and what will be ahead of me is a day of pride. I didn’t feel nervous for the first time in my life, never had I raced before in such mood as I always feel nervous and often had sleepless nights. But this time, it feels nothing and just plain freedom.

It was a very cold morning; I had to be in 3 layers of clothing to keep warm, but still cold I felt. So when I got to the transition area to get everything, as the sun came out, it was a good sign which was gonna be a good day. The ITU official announced the water temperature was 20˚C and so it had to be a wetsuit swim, I was feeling lucky with the wetsuit I bought.

The night before the race; I spoke to Kim and she told me about swimming and racing in wetsuit, the rush of lactic acid. I remember Kim told me how she felt during her race in the Commonwealth Games, it was in Gold Coast as well…the same condition. Then, I knew I was gonna encounter the same problems as she did back then.

I was never trained in wetsuit, and never wore one before. As I put on my wetsuit to get to the start, it felt really tight and hard to breathe as I could feel my chest was being tightened. But the water was too cold so I had no choice but to swim in the wetsuit. The start of my wave was at 8:20a.m; and everyone around me was really feeling intense, felt like a war in this age-group (25-29) as it is the toughest group. Yet I kept telling myself no matter what happens just go with the flow.

The sun was just right up ahead, shining brightly and could feel the wetsuit absorbing the heat which felt good. I took a few deep breath 30s into the race, as the clock ticks away I could feel the time has slowly die down…and slowly, I could not hear anything else but my breath and heartbeat. Nothing else matters now, slowly I felt alone in this world…and nothing on my shoulder.

“Hoooonnnnkkkk!” the race has kicked off as precise as the honk was sounded. We all ran into the water and with less than 10m the swim started. It was very crowded and everybody was struggling to swim away or over each other. The moment I got into the water, I could feel that coldness rushed into the skin of my face, hands and feet. And each breath I took felt icy cold, so I swam as fast as I could. In awhile, I could feel somebody touching my feet then the next minute hard kick into my eye where it was filled with water. So I quickly had it proper again in a matter of seconds. The 1500m swim felt really tough, as I was really struggling with the cold and the wetsuit. I was trying so hard to swim at race pace like how I did back in the tropics, but the more I try the stiffer it became. The cold just set in as distance per distance went by.

As I was approaching the end of the swim, it felt relief to get out of the cold. But I didn’t know what was gonna happen is the worst I would have ever experience; the moment I got out of water, I felt unstable as I ran towards the transition area. It took me about 15s to take my cap and goggle off, and I was struggling to get the wetsuit off as well as my hands were numbed. I wasn’t running straight into the transition area, I was running sideways instead. I felt very dizzy and I couldn’t see properly, I was breathing deeply and desperately for air. I found it difficult to coordinate where I was going, for awhile I couldn’t think right. I heard nothing but only my breathing, and as I was approaching my bike I nearly fell onto the ground as I couldn’t stand still. It was so dizzy that I couldn’t do anything right at that time, I was holding onto my bike in order not to fall to the ground as I know I would faint if I do so. I was gasping for more air to get my body back to normal.

When I finally got off from the wetsuit, it all felt much better when I was exiting with my bike into the 2nd leg. At that moment, I finally understood how lactic acid rushes in blood vessel feels like in the blood vein…first time I experienced this and it just felt so horrible. And I finally knew what Kim has to go through in her first world championship as well.

The bike leg was a non-drafting format, so it was like a time trial. I felt good and strong on the bike as soon as I recovered from the lactic acid rush. My legs felt fresh and I was going on a very consistent RPM, 35km/hr on average speed. But tough luck happened when I got caught in a group of about 40 triathletes. I almost knocked the corn on the road side so I eventually slowly moved myself out of that danger zone towards the right side. And, as I was riding outside and trying to get stable the ITU official was on the motorbike and chased after me. Then he gave me a whistle and shouted my number “1027 you are to stop right now by the penalty of drafting!” He gave me a yellow card luckily as a warning of the stop-and-go penalty. I was very pissed because of all the people in such a big group yet I was the one that get caught.

After I stop and jumped back onto the bike again, I was all alone again of course. But then, though the group was not too far away from me I heard the ITU official whistle at someone from the same group. I guess he was too busy calling people for drafting. Overall, I lost about 10mins from the bike leg and that’s a lot yet I feel grateful there was not a red card so at least I still finished the race without disqualification.

As I got off from the bike, my legs were still feeling as fresh as ever. I never felt like this before, but perhaps it is the cold weather here that didn’t get my body heated. When I got my shoes on and ran out of the transition area, I could hit race pace as soon as I was on the road. And, for the first time I ran a 15mins for 5km which I was really happy. But on the 2nd loop of the run, I was struggling with the cold again as I was wet from drinking water. That cold just really dragged me down; my hands were numbed again and my chest was feeling really cold. My legs started to feel the cold and it felt like getting stiffer, that was quite hard to run. So in the end, the run turn out to be a 41mins 10km where the loss time was around 6mins.

Throughout the race, I was basically struggling and battling against the cold. Now, I finally really understand how it feels like to race in cold climate. I finished the race with a time of 2hrs:26mins and placed 105th out of 115, and 742th out of more than 2000 triathletes from around the world. I know that many people back home do expect me to win this; but this is a world championship, it’s not any easy peasy race or fun race like what we have back in Malaysia as this is seriously a world championship that only the best gets to compete. Everybody is fit and strong in their own, and of course they take triathlon seriously and not just for fun. I saw many triathletes who are highly sponsored, and majority of them carried names of many. After all, it is one competitive field beyond anyone can ever imagine because you will only understand how it feels when you have done it.

First of all, I would like to thank my coach and a good friend, Ainsley Laing, who have always been helping all these years to achieve this and it would have been impossible without her. I would like to thank Curtin University of Technology Australia and Miri, Sarawak for their generous sponsorships, and also great thanks to the EAFU Program which gave me convenient to train even harder. And also, great thanks to Sarawak Triathlon Association, Awang Hashim, for giving me this chance to compete at world championship.

Truly, I have finally fulfilled my dream. It’s been a dream come true to compete here at world championship. It is the very day that I have dream of; from all the hard work I have made, all the tough times I’ve had in training, all the pain and struggle it is now worth living the life I have chosen. For my dream has come true, and doing what I do best in my life…this is my first world championship, and it is just the beginning of everything. Nothing is impossible, and you can do whatever you set your mind to.

by Jack Ho

Gold Coast ITU World Championships 2009 – Pre-Race Day

The journey so far has been fun and exciting, never thought I could experience such a fantastic wonder here in Gold Coast. Ever since I arrived I feel just like home, or better than home. The air is fresh; weather is cold and nice, pollution-free and beautiful landscape.

It has been really cold since I got here, still not climatized yet till today. I began to worry the moment I touched down in Brisbane International Airport; and when I step outside the airport, it was indeed really cold. I got to the hotel around 11pm; the sight is beautiful around Brisbane and Gold Coast. I got my bike set up the very night I arrived so I could test out the bike course the very next day.

Surprisingly, I didn’t have jetlag though I woke up at 5:30 in the morning. When I woke up, the sky was bright as the sun was coming up from the pacific. I thought it was getting 7am but to look at the time it was only 5:30am. People were already started down by the beach here in Surfers Paradise, cyclists were cycling on the street, while runners were out running by the beach. Since I woke up so early, I took my bike out to go to Southport to test out the bike course; it was freezing cold the moment I got out of the hotel here in Surfers Paradise. While cycling I was shivering and my hands started to feel numb. Then I knew I am gonna be in some trouble on the race day.

The bike course was flat, so it was expected to be a fast and lot of attacks leg. So as the run, a flat course of 2 loops of 5km. People here were in singlets, t-shirts, flip-flops and short pants; and it’s so cold for me that I had to be in my thermal gears and long sleeve! Even running was difficult with the cold, I hardly sweat at all though I cycled and ran really hard.

I went down to the Festival Village on Thursday right after the bike course test-run to do my registration. Yes, I was really the only Malaysian on the list of more than 2000 competitors. After the registration, I went around to the expo area. I got myself some 2XU gears; I always like 2XU anyway. When I got to the Felt Bicycles booth, 2 bikes looked very familiar to me because I knew I have seen them on magazine and TV. Then, I slowly look around those 2 bikes and it happened to be Jan Frodeno and Emma Snowswill’s bikes; without hesitation I asked the salesman if those were their bikes. Yes, true enough there were their bikes. Jan Frodeno left it there for display so he could pick it up that afternoon and go for ride. His bike is huge, XL in size if not mistaken and it’s got all the customized paint job done along with 5 Olympics rings as he was the Gold Medalist. So as Emma’s bike yet hers’ is so much smaller (customized accordingly to her size) with colored purple Zipp Wheels. I was allowed to touch and take pictures with the bikes; it felt like a touch of the golden throne!

Avanti Bikes was the best to look at because they were using the Shimano Dura Di2; it is really the best gear now! I got to see it first hand and experience how it works. The shifting is truly 100% precision, no more cables, smaller shifters, and of course it is much more advance than you can imagine. After all, the Festival Village was great!

I tried to swim the next day, just to get a feel of the water before race day. But when I got into the water, it felt freezing cold and that’s when problem come…I couldn’t breathe! I tried to swim, yet I couldn’t even finish 25m. So I decided to get a wetsuit when I get my bike check-in at the transition area. I quickly went down to the expo area to get the wetsuit; 2XU was too expensive, so luckily BlueSeventy was having a clearance sale so I bought at AUD$199, an Ironman Edition. I tried on the wetsuit when I got back to the hotel after I checked-in my bike, it felt stiff yet the buoyancy was really fantastic. So I was confident enough that I could finish the race the very next day.

*Pictures are in my Facebook*

The Fallen Path

The moment when I look back, it felt long...long enough to be forgotten how it was, how it felt, wisely all the memories were gone. The past has left a trail, a trail that I would never walk back where nothing else matters. I failed once, I failed twice, I failed more, yet I learned more and earned to be better.

Fair enough; perhaps the time has come again of all these very moments never thought love would reappear again, and float itself onto the surface of the oceanic paradise, and slowly drifted into the shore. I questioned myself numerous times, perhaps even more, yet I could not seem to answer the very questions that matter.

I was being left wondering once again, left nowhere but feeling lost and no direction to be seen. Yet, it has only been the very path I took of who I am. Till that day came, I met her...a her in the heart of soul which tells a tale of romance and love. Instantly, it felt just like how it was long ago. But this time, it feels even more different.

I could no longer describe them in words; actions have it all, eaten upon the moon slowly towards its 15th day. It was coming to a circumstances where the white mask has been thrown overboard again, nearly and closely to its avail. And so I did, walk with freedom towards a portal that set me to the nature of its course that called...love.

Indeed, my heart has been felt hollow for so long, so empty, the empty space as if it's been lost to another dimension unknown to mankind. Nothing has ever filled it up since God knows when, neither do I nor my soul remember. Yet, the judgmental figure of appearance has given stories that created the white mask. And, never been defeated in his league since then.

It felt tingle, a sudden static or movement felt deep within a heart. First thought death was coming from afar for a visit, second thought when the beat went tumbling up and down, and thirdly the warmth felt in the rush of a kind. Truly as she is, someone special indeed and never had an expected thought fallen into the path.

Lovely she holds in the smile, a little naughty in her way where the sun comes and shown happiness. Never have I met someone so special, special to the valleys and mountains beyond the imagine. Yet, what have that caused the the white mask to be unseen again, once more.

But then, it is the time when I realized if there is something more than meet the eyes, it's gotta be something that has unfold and filled the emptiness into a cold rainbow night. Wonderful sounds it may, or truthfully words to words from the very heart of mine.

Yet, a miracle has occurred itself in this very path. Quite a distinctive way must I portray, as true enough it has always been difficult to fall in love. Not that I'm demanding or higher profiling, but it is the fate of hearts that count in between.

Still I wonder, left with questions and thoughts of the soul. But determine as I shall be given a chance again to overcome such a wonderful manner; as she is just too special. A smile she has brought onto me never has anyone did, and foremost I enjoyed her company of laughters and joys in these very days of the horizon beyond the eyes' vision.

by Jacques Yvez

"Specially for Sharon; I've fallen for you...I love you"

The iron heart of a Woman

Strong she is, effortlessly day in and out she worked tirelessly. Heavy rocks felt on her shoulder as she had to carry them through the pressure and stressful environment, it was never an easy task for a woman to handle.

Having to wake up in the early, or even days before she had to consume all the time and effort for a wonderful day. Paid off indeed it has, tirelessly it was never an easy task. To many, simplicity bear in all minds but the reality bites.

For a beauty to venture into one of a kind, it's truly an amazing talent to be well spoken off. A heart of courage and will were never meant to be found yet meant to be discover. A well hidden soul beneath such has once again being brought into the daylight, what was once unseen has been the reality that meets the eyes.

While venture; risky and filled hazards are part of the nature's call. Never a beauty would dream of a day that steps upon such adventure. How unimaginable it is when the impossible defines all that thought.

Under the scorching heat, she did what she could to assure no harms to anyone but pure excitement and what has be known to everyone a memorable day. A day that created history, a gratefulness to the pioneers.

Never expected to witness a smile of her's. amazing it is. Indeed it has brought onto a smile to me, simply indescribable with no words afar. Further than beyond the horizon one can see.

Truly it is, a thousand words tell it all the tale one needs to know and remember. Remember for whom they are and never have your thoughts be fooled to the lowest expectations. Be ware and warned, the heart of an iron will is great and dominant as one would never expect.

Yet, such will and courage have once been found again.

By Jacques Yvez

Xterra Malaysia 2009

"Oh god, the rain is coming...", said Jack deep within his mind figuring that gloomy weather wasn't a good sign at all. Seconds later, heavy rain poured right after an average gradient slope with an easy climb. The cold droplets of rain water came pouring in like no other, without a doubt it felt good as heat was slowly being diminished.

Again, what was Jack thinking? "Oh no, it's raining. And...I can't handle the ride, damn!", for a moment Jack felt the difficulties coming as the ground started to become slippery.

"I better be careful, just like what Chris Lieto has advised not to crash", Jack reminded himself after the thought of Chris Lieto's wise advice given during a chat, and was indeed remembered well because Jack has always been someone to take advice seriously. Never a doubt, he spends no seconds away from paying attention to other things other than what is more crucial to his objectives.

It came to a thought, as it constantly popped out, where this was his very first Xterra and never before he had done this before, not even in biathlon. So Jack started to remember the days where he started mountain biking at the age of 15, those days were gone and never had it faded away from his mind. It felt just like how it was; the adrenaline and excitement, as if he was in a playground of his own, yet back to reality it was Xterra Malaysia.

Not long after the thought, it was time to bike into the oil palm plantation again. It was still raining heavily, the pouring sound of fights between cats and dogs were enough to shut the world. His Oakley began to fill with fog, and the trail became to alter into a slippery field. Then, the signboard appeared; remembering what Geoff has said during the briefing session, "Watch out for the caution sign which indicates the downhill section, and with 3 arrows". Knowing something was up ahead of him, in no time the slope began to descend as speed was picking up.

And moments later...

"Oh shit, fuckin' hell..." yelled as he falls to the ground, slamming his left wing onto the solid ground and slide downhill for a few seconds. The pain came at the very moment, yet it was a short while where it felt numb. Jack began to worry as he fell; it wasn't the concern of his body but the bike. Yet the bike was fine, so went on as he should...

Earlier before the race, it was a beautiful morning though it felt humid. Jack woke up at first, while Razani and Albert were still in bed. It was to Jack's surprise that he had a perfect sleep without a single wake, knowing his sleeping disorder didn't affect him would be what was gonna be a perfect day.

A day will be remembered by all.

When the sun was about to make its way through, Razani and Jack arrived at the race site just enough time to set up what the needs were. It was a good chat with fellow Sam Gardner, Scott Thorne, Mike Vine and Renata Burcher when Jack was lucky to line up together with them. Good old early morning English jokes set the mood for such a race. So as he has expected, the first Xterra Malaysia has indeed received good response internationally.

Jack pretty much enjoyed what was thought to be a tense environment but ended really friendly and fun. It was his first time meeting everyone whom he has known for years in Facebook and Pipot; Wendy (the most beautiful girl whom his ex-gf has always got jealous of), Elaine the bunny that goes happy-go-lucy in Facebook, Stupe (a fine gentlemen with great personality), not to mention Nadia whom Jack has just met seem really attractive after all among hundreds of women he could see that very morning, then of course there was Emma Bishop a fine lady with a beauty indescribable yet a woman of strong will and great spirit, Shazly the man who made it all possible to have Xterra in Malaysia and so as Geoff the coolest dude.

The transition area was a great set up, it was really according to the international standard, for awhile Jack could feel as if he was back in ITU triathlon format but no doubt he was in Xterra. Before Jack went into the sea for the warm up, he ran into this girl from MAS whom he had met the day before, Fiza, a really lovely lady with a great smile. As the very moment she appeared, that smile of her's really brought a beautiful day of butterflies and flowers flow in the air of freedom in love, perhaps. Fiza was there with her camera, there she had a little chit chat with Jack and caught a few shots of him in her camera. Hopefully she does keep a few pictures of him so she knows where to find, as both of them have agreed. Jack would definitely love to date her of course; such a fine and beautiful shall be missed not and yet be treasured and valued. Again, Jack hopes to see her again someday in the lake where he fishes.

So off Jack went to the sea for a warm up; the sea condition felt great and jellyfish has always been in his expectations, nonetheless it was in a pool or canal. The water felt good, and the current wasn't strong enough so the swim wouldn't be so tough. So as it was 8 o'clock, it started on time precisely. It was a great start and keeping it accordingly to the schedule was a great thing, thumbs up for the organizers!

Ahead into the swim, Jack ran into a beautiful jellyfish and left with love bites and kisses of lust, it felt great. Having used to train in the sea so often, Jack no longer felt jellyfish would come in his ways. Perhaps, it was just another kisses he always wanted which didn't stop him from swimming ahead. After the first lap in the second, he knew he was in the first pack with little swimmers ahead of him.

So when Jack jumped into the second lap, it was time to get close up and put in some speed. The swim leg was rather easy because the sea was calm and nothing difficult at all. Knowing the swim was smooth, yet what lies ahead in the bike leg could be a terror. As Jack jumped out of the water, he could hear Stupe announcing his name; for moment he felt proud to be a Mirian, but on second thought he's just another Malaysian. That ignorance was the only way to keep him focus in the race, nothing more should ever distract him.

When he was running into the transition, all that noises he could hear were shouting his name but not knowing who they were. Yet, he could feel Fiza was one of them. It took quite awhile to get out of the transition area, as he did not have his clip pedal with him. Jack was hopeful that he could finish the race in his running shoes.

Right after the first crash, it taught him a little lesson where he has to put more efforts into his technical skills. Yet, the bike leg has toasted him to waste 30mins as Jack could no longer go any faster after the first crash. Then, it came the second crash again as it was just too slippery. A decision had to be made in order to finish the race, and that’s when he remembered Chirs Lieto saying don’t crash and hammer on the climb. So Jack decided to take it easy on the bike leg, having to lose 30mins was a lot!

The last 5km was a killer, as Jack did not expect it to be the final path to the resort on the sandy beach. It was too soft to be ridden; the initial ride had let him wasted so much energy and putting all the efforts in were just too much of a waste for the run leg. People were cursing and yelling in that particular section as Jack could hear them out loud. But fair enough to Jack as this was Xterra, the more extreme it gets the better!

The transition into the run leg was fast; for a second Jack felt lucky to have his camelpack on and not to rely on water stations. As he went into the run…

“I didn’t come here to lose, I didn’t come here to win either…but I came here to finish, and not to give up”, said to himself in a soft voice.

Jack could feel the stiffness in his legs; it was tough as they were exhausted from the crash and sandy section. They cramped all of a sudden, though it was painful but it didn’t stop his running. From all the conditioning training he has underwent, adaptation is something Jack has learned most throughout his training regiment for ITU triathlon. And that same concept applied well for Xterra. Even with the cramp, Jack didn’t bother to stop running but just kept going forward. Not knowing what was pushing him through the pain, yet pain has always been pleasurable and delicious. It felt good to know the finishing line was too far from where he was, many bikini girls were by the beach having a good day. Not to mention he saw one nipple pop out as he was on the way the finishing line. And there it was, Xterra Malaysia 2009, the first race in Southeast Asia, and foremost it was Jack’s first ever Xterra. Finishinf 2nd in Age-Group 20 - 24 category, with a time of 3:07mins. Jack felt happy about it, and being the sixth guy outta swim was great.

It was indeed a great experience and fun; so many challenges came and made him a better person today. Knowing his weakness is the most important thing for improvement, having fear is the factor that gives a greater will and courage, and it is beliefs of self in the path to victory.

Once again, Xterra has marked its history making. Fantastic it was, extremely it was, and most of all the spirit of all competitors has it alive.

By Jacques Yvez

Upon the Soul

A thousand horses marched in times afar,
A soul sailed in times to return,
Long after times have long kept in jar,
Love finds Him in kingdom's return.

Be gone has he for unknown,
Forgotten many has begun to unfold,
Yet slithers he amongst us,
Fear him not for He loves.

Slowly he will walk upon you,
In shadows of phantom wise he is,
Fear not for thirst of revenge in him,
Vengeance of Love colored world of times in Him.

Fear runs in land of love,
Ruins in the eyes of Love,
Diminish loves in all comes greater fear,
And shall him succeed in the vengeance of lust.

by Jacques Yvez

The Quality of Both

What works without an opposite direction? There can be answers to this question in different angles, where as I will only fully compromise this answer to the application of love and hate. A thought came when a Christine described how much her love and hate for her father has come in distances, and yet it has given her a wonderful and truly meaningful life. What a lucky girl she is!

Love, what does that mean to you? Now, I have defined that in previous article last year, Love and Like, if have read you would probably remember. So again, love is the emotion of affection and it feels great indeed. But many have been shattered as well because overly blinded by their own desire of lust and love's betrayal. So when shattered, what comes next? Sadness? Anger? Devastation? Depression? And hate of course?

Well, these are what probably each and every one of us has gone through or everyone will have to go through anyway. As part of the growing process in life, certain stages must be encountered and fought. It is certain that it contributes to the life-learning journey of all to grow up to the real world.

So yes, Love and Hate cooperate effectively together, don't you think? Of course, people would often say nothing is ever perfectly good or bad but I say many are perfectly balanced. Perfectly balanced? Indeed, nothing would work without having some challenges and obstacles to overcome as to be better and further improve of course. Take a second to this thought...What would love be without hate? And what would hate be without love?

If love works completely without hate, do you think people will ever treasure or value each other even more? Or even without love, how do you counteract hate? Hence, hate would be far more devastating without love which comprehensively means more people will die through hatred. Of course, hate will not often resolve problems as it would just get bigger and bigger, so as love. When love is overwhelmed, it can be out of control as well which means loving crazily would be terrible enough to tear you apart from your own life.

Thus, the actions between love and hate work perfectly together as partners. By having to cooperate together in this bond, it comes in both ways. Perhaps, I should also mention that directions come in both too; left and right, or up and down, or forward or backward. Does it make sense now? It is the contrast of how it affects each other in the process of loving and hating.

Effectively, we will be able witness the consistent development of a situation. Likewise, when he loves her up to a level where he doesn’t seem to get enough spaces of his own life and constantly on the lookout for her. At the end when he is fed up, he would blame her for the lame forsaken life of his. Which, she wouldn’t like to be blamed of course and she would hate him for that. So tell yourself now, what do you see in this situation? What the outcome will be?

But in my assumption to this outcome is that of course they will break up if the quarrel is beyond their control, and matters do not resolve appropriately. Hence, both will be given time and space to restructure their own life. But throughout the process of restructuring, either one or both will realize the truth, the truth of anything within in the relationship which in the end contributes to the solution factors to resolve the issue (it doesn’t happen to all relationship).

Hence, you see the effects of love and hate together as a whole to accomplish an effective journey part of life. Being able to realize the truth would mean forgiveness and tolerance, and which is great for couples who are able to take it that way in order to further improve the relationship. So here is the good thing about love, it gives you comfort and warmth for you know you are being valued. And as for hate, it gives you anger and a trigger to know what the mistakes or negativity is which in the end helps you to be a better person.

That balance among love and hate are well dwelled within us, as we are humanly enough to carry out those emotions or behavior within us. It doesn’t only apply to love and hate, but so as many else such as happy and sad, sweet and bitter, light and darkness, honesty and lies, etc. But the foremost component that we all know is the right and wrong, as that is the crucial fundamental of the universe. Then again, right and wrong work well perfectly together as well where one belongs to another. Wouldn’t it be meaningless without another? Or perhaps I should ask it this way, what if either the male and female species exist without one and another?

Then, the counteractions of all would not exist in the world as we all know and live through today. So as the point to this article, I hope it is clear to you how the life circle revolves around us. It is part of us, every one of us; no one is able to escape the reality of truth. But yet, then till time comes when it is your turn to encounter such matter and it would be better you’re prepared rather than you’re not, because knowing what’s truth would always help you to walk further in a journey.

By Jacques Yvez

Diary #643

Sunny Day

Today, I saw you. It has been a long time since I last saw you, and I never thought I would see you again. You were not too far away from me, then I saw you coming. I was delighted to see you, and I was indeed happy.

I wanted to greet you, I wanted to give you a smile, and I wanted to be your friend. Yet, you were too far from where I was. It was crowded and humid, I could see the lovely smile of yours but yet it wasn't me you were smiling at.

I was hiding, trying to run away from you. But I knew from time ago, I no longer exist in you. I was no one else but a stranger, and I was nothing else but invincible to you. Neither you could see me nor I could see you, perhaps it was a deal we made back then.

Again, I was happy to see you. I wish I could talk to you, and even take a smile from you...I really wish I could, and yet deep in me I couldn't. I denied, and I ignored for I assume you wouldn't, would you? I will not know the answer, neither you as well. But yet, I miss you.

I wish we can be friends again, nothing more but just friends. Even just a word would be good enough, I ask for nothing more. I'm sorry if you still hate me, but that hate has been long forgotten in me. I beg no mercy nor pity, but yet just a happy smile in you.

When you passed me by, I knew you were by my side. We both knew we're running away from something truthful, perhaps it is again a deal we made. I saw your eyes, though my eyes were hidden and never to be seen yet I lied. The moment you passed by...I smiled to you from my heart, and greeted you from my heart.

Your wavy hair was felt upon me, yet...I couldn't say a word to you. But yet, today you left me with a memory after 642 days which is I will never forget. It was truly pure I felt, and truly beautiful. However, I said to myself perhaps one day I shall tear the deal apart and venture to my guts. Would you ignore or accept? I wouldn't know.

What has passed is a past, and I no longer look back again at them for once. Only what's left of the happy still unfold at times when reminded. I truly had a great life in you, and yet I have even a greater life now. But don't be sorry nor angry, for I never blamed you as you did what you had to.

Yet, I really wandered of all these times. For who I was, I have given you tears and pain. For whom I was, I have given you joy and laughter. Yet in who I am today, if only I'm not Jacques Yvez...could it have been the same?

by Jacques Yvez

P/S: Syaza, may you be blessed for always...

Curtin's 10th Anniversary

Ten years ago, when Curtin was first established in Miri, it was still a minor institution to be a start. They had a small campus down in Riam Road Secondary School without large number of students as well. But since then, it was a start of a promising future; a future for better education and a future for all students. It has been 10 years now, a decade.

Time has truly flown across a sky of stars. and a journey made upon so far has indeed shown constant birth of innovation. Currently, Curtin has its own campus and is still expanding. It takes time of course, but however as time goes by we will be able to witness the development of Curtin.

I am proud to be one of Curtin's students I must say, and it has been a great pleasure to study in Curtin. Lecturers have done really great job after by delivering the knowledge of the education to students, and the university itself has given a great environment for students.

Even though a decade may not be seen as long enough compare to other universities around the world, yet Curtin is consistently seeking chances and opportunities for itself to further improvement and development. No doubt that it is taking time and yet shall we all be the witness of this growing tree in Curtin will be from a fruitful day to a fruitful season.

Fair enough, students of course will always have the opportunity to pursue a future career, and that is a promise. Yet, students must take their own commitment and hardwork to a better level. Furthermore, whatever we are able to gain is what will be a future in our lives.

Happy Birthday Curtin!

by Jacques Yvez

Why not fair?

I suddenly have a thought what is being called unfair, when a friend told me the world is never fair. So I decided to write something down about it, perhaps this would mean something more than just what kinda world we live in.

Fair, how can we justify it? What is to be fair and square? How do you see this? What is the fundamental? What shall be considered fair? And what's not? In what circumstances to define fairness? Wisdom? Justice? Rights?

Well, with what I have in mind in the circumstances revolved around me are what seems to be fair and unfair. Confuse, isn't it? Yes, this is the part where you should take not just a thought but a deep breath and then replace yourself into what is real. Real? Didn't I just mention the word "real"? So what is real to you? Something you can touch? Or can be seen? Felt? Tasted? Or perhaps even heard?

Think, take the time you need with no hurry. Breathe, breathe, breathe...and think, think, think! Breathe as you think, and think as you breathe. Yes, does it trigger a shot in your mind yet? Yes or no? Oh, I can't read your mind but it is up to you to decide. So, how would you decide? And that is when it is real...and really fair.

Why would I say that? You are still confused, aren't you? Finding bushes and indirections in this article? Certainly, you do as I am sure.

You see, what surrounds us are what have been created into the world by its very nature. And we, humans, who have been here long enough to be remembered are the beings that created a world that we all know today. The educations, technologies, histories, places, languages, foods, people, etc are what we have to define human beings. Of course, which I meant our doings as well.

So, still, what is fair and unfair? People would always say the world is always unfair. It doesn't matter what you do, it is never fair. No matter how much effort or courage you have, it will never be fair. And, why never? Why can't we take a chance to be fair? Is it because you may wanna say it is God who destined us to be? Or is it not? Well, it is in your intelligence to decide.

But then, why is the world never unfair? Why the blame? What is there to blame? The world is a place where human civilization settled in. We live together in this Earth, a place where we all called home. So why blame the world for the unfair? When the world is just a…place!

You see, what is not fair when you say it is unfair. It is our doings that make it unfair, it is the decision we make for it to be unfair. The key word would be selfishness, and every man for himself. Everything comes at a price as nothing comes easily, where you gotta earn it with your capability. Who gets a free lunch anyway? Every little idea gets to pay it off.

It is what we want and desire which have made to be unfair. We do what we do best to keep our own interest and sometimes without a doubt we will even have to sacrifice for one another, no one is capable of having everything. Thus, the unfair judgmental figure doesn’t just pop out by thinking…”Oh, it’s unfair that you won!”

Why not take a few seconds backward and give it a thought…so ask yourself, did you work hard for victory? Was it the best you got? Have you put enough effort for this? Sometimes, or most of the times I would say it is best to put yourself first before anyone else. What is the point of blaming someone else without troubleshooting your own weakness first? This is because if you start putting your blame on others without consciously realizing your own problem, it would be really embarrassing for others to actually lecture you about it. So give yourself a thought, before others do.

The of course, there are people out there who complicate matters to be unfair in order to preserve the interest within themselves. It is their ego, selfishness, and inconsideration to have caused what you may think is unfair. Of course, they would give reasons to ensure you’re able to fully comprehend the situation. But as a matter of fact, sometimes the truth may be hidden well enough to blind you at all. Thus, these reasons whatever they may be would be enough to cover up a trail of the mislead…but these are just excuses good enough to be précised as to protect their own interests.

However, what is unfair can be fair too “if” you have the courage to bring justice. Dare enough to pick a fight? Dare to take a punch or pain? It is up to you because it is never wrong to stand up for the rights and tear down the wrongs to shredded pieces scum of disgusting irritable trash. There is no point or a reason at all tolerating mercy to the wrongs, what is right must stand up for it is the righteousness of our beings to live in this world. There is nothing be afraid of when righteousness is what it all takes for a great sail. But yet, like I mentioned, it is up to you individuals out there. If you have the courage to get what is right to be done, then do it…but if you don’t, I would say you probably will be overrun in stampede by the wrongs for the rest of your life.

Hide or Stand? You decide.

By Jacques Yvez

Melody's Beauty

The tender point in tune,
Plays along by soul of a gifted,
Gently heard from a soul,
With genuine smile brought in her,
Comes what yet lovely in Melody.

In every words appear through tune,
Rings a bell across by melody's fingers,
Exists in gifted sail of Her's,
Plays in each of she,
Where fantasy awaken in realm of melody,
Finds passion with her.

Feelings in motion of emotion,
Cloudly motions be there might,
Snowy motion of emotions,
Expression in emotions of cosy night's melody,
Where ears felt in tune,
Her's yet neither all but pure emotions.

The tranquility in Melody of Belle,
Seen in the eyes of Belle,
Truth lies at Heart of Belle,
Where Sun comes at hands of Belle,
Then shine of stars in Belle.

Yet then repulsiveness of hate and anger,
Fought truly in peave of love,
Carried through in carriage of Love,
In melody finds Kingdom at peace,
Again seems melody's beauty,
Of Belle at heart in Melody.

by Jacques Yvez

Conspiracy of Jacques Yvez

Perhaps it has been a while since my little perfect life has settled down too quietly, not until somebody out there decided to take it out on the street again with all the yadi-yadi-yada. Let say, this time it is about my break up with Victoria, again. I'm indeed very interested to really know the truth about what has been happening or words that have been circling around though, as there have been too many stories created by hypocrites and clowns, which I have never bothered to listen so far. So today, I have decided to dig it out a little to actually know what is going on...and perhaps, it is to my surpise to know whom the hypo

I was surprise to find out that certain people (should I mention names?) actually made fun out of the break up, because obviously I was the one being dumped. But perhaps I was not being transparent enough that being dumped is a good thing at times, which only my very bestfriends know why and the very why it should happen. Firstly, I would like to invite my readers to take a good look in this matter because certainly I will not reveal certain truth (which only a few know about Jacques Yvez & The White Mask). Yes, certainly it seemed foolish indeed for a man like me who has been thrown over a bridge by a woman. But yet, I swam across the river to find another love has been waiting to grab my hand where she pulled me up and we walked away with wonderful smile.

You see, there is no trail being left behind for me to re-divert the course of this nature. Where, I set sail and approach harbors to seek new crews (most of you know what crews I described here) and yet there has always been the biggest fun of all. It didn't matter what has been said regarding my break up with Victoria as at certain stage it is I whom have not lose a single penny of lust, but yet it is those whom have fallen into a donation of a penny in lust. Yes, wise enough I am to clary myself as fair as judgment can be done. Nonetheless, a woman who is to feel uncomfortable shall approach in manner for appealing the truth well hidden within herself. She may have said awful or ridiculous words which fondle the ears of many, but indeed it is a hypocrisy I have never expected well.

"Yes yes yes...what a hypocrite you are indeed" say I.

Then of course, still, it doesn't matter what they have said for I have fulfilled my mission in accomplishment to my goals in the pit, what a strike! Those I celebrate shall be feasted upon my return of a journey, once again we shall share tales of common and never be told again. You and I both know how things work in the world of Le Masque Blanc.

Merci~!

by Jacques Yvez

A matter of choice

In times of my life, I came across situations where it is always about making the right decision. It can be anything, just about anything that we all live through in this world. So here is a little tale of mine I would like to share, something truly wonderful I realize recently…or perhaps, a choice I made long ago before I knew it was already in me.

I became a triathlete in 2006, took it seriously as a career because I wanted to pursue my dream. I love multi-sports when I was a kid, I felt the thrill when I saw it on television so I told myself on day I would be one these multi-sports athletes. Of course, my dream came true as I put effort and time into it. So it has been 3 years down the road now being a triathlete; train, eat, sleep, and train again…the same thing over and over again every single day. I never got bored of it seriously, I just love it, and it has already become part of me. Perhaps, I should even say it has already become a lifestyle. I train alone, depending on no one else but myself, just like any other triathletes and ironmans around the world. Even though I have a coach, but still I have always been left to be independent because this is what triathlon is all about; achieving it by your own self!

A month ago when I was in Brunei, I rejoined the hash group like I used to back in 2003. There I met my old friends, and it is always good to see them. A friend of mine, Jaap, who is also a triathlete by hobby has been very successful too. He has competed in numerous triathlons and half-ironman as well. Jaap is a great guy to be honest, at his age he is considered to be pretty fast. So after the hash run, we all sat down for dinner in a café. That is when Jaap gave me a question that I thought no one would ever ask me. So finally, that question came and I have always been ready to answer.

“Jack, do you realize being a triathlete or ironman made you a selfish person?” asked Jaap.

I was in silence for a moment where everyone was looking at me.

“True enough, I do realize I have been over the years.” say I.

Hence, the discussion began on how triathlon has evolved our lives and made us what we are today. Jaap made a very critical point by saying “just because we train by ourselves everyday and not relying on anyone else, we have become more independent as we have to or otherwise we will not survive during races”. That was as true enough as I couldn’t agree any further, as I felt it within myself. And the independence within us have somehow transform into a selfishness as well, it gives us the power to be confident, firm, strong, courageous, brave, self-believe, and trust ourselves.

Yes, being a triathlete is never easy as overcoming many obstacles is always handed singularly. We do not depend on others; swim, bike, run…these 3 very disciplines have shown us how we have to overcome the difficulties we would encounter individually. We are constantly pushing ourselves through our limits, there is never enough as there is always room for improvement. When we are out there racing, there is no one to help us to finish or win the race but our own selves. There is no one to drag us while we swim in the rough seas, there is no one to block the strong head wind for us while we cycle, and there is no one to carry umbrella for us while we run under the cruel heat. Yet, to survive and finish the race is done by us alone.

It’s an agonizing task that we endure, as we want to. Swim 1500m, bike 40km, and run 10km in triathlon. Then swim 3.8km, bike 180.2km, and run 42.2km in ironman. That is what we do, that is what we want, and that is what we have in our life.

So from then onwards, I started to realize how selfish and independent I have become consciously. The reality is I only care about myself nowadays; my trainings, my nutrition, my life, my goals, my plan, my schedule, and that I am have become my very own top priority. Sometimes it even feels there is nothing else to bother but myself. In fact, I do not work well with others too as I believe in myself more than I do to anyone else, I just don’t trust others as I much as I trust myself. Jaap also pointed out he was also like that in his younger days and never really work well with his colleagues because he felt he could handle it all by himself and trust his himself more than he trust others. We did admit that it is a bad attitude, and there is certainly a need to change. But yet, still…it was a choice we made before we even knew what we got ourselves into.

You see, the thing is what you do changes you as a person because when what you do becomes a routine then in times it will become a habit. So as I point I see in myself, at first it was tough to be in triathlon and training full-time wasn’t easy. But the human body is capable of adaptation biologically so it has become a lifestyle since then, where I no longer find difficulties living through triathlon.

Then of course, my family has always been complaining about my selfishness at home. Indeed I am selfish, as each time I got home from training I would be tired and not bother to do anything else, where as my family never really understand how tiring it is to be a triathlete. And the independence I have at home is another world apart from my family where I don’t even share the same dinner as they do, of course the reason would I have to look after my own nutrition.

People always tell me that they don’t really have any choices because they think what they have is all they have got left. But that’s not true, because the world is a bigger than one can ever imagine. Everyone has choices, it’s either given or found, and never it is a must to be taken. I made my decision clear that I wanted to be a triathlete, and I never regretted though I have to go through all the hardship till today. And even that means having a hard time with my family, I still endure and try my best to make them understand.

Everything comes in a package of good and bad, there is a balance in that because it is given by nature to face its challenges by you. The good would be the reward, and the bad would be the learning outcome. Hanging in the balance of both gives you nothing but emptiness, so it’s critical to know what you know you want best for your life and never regret it because you gotta know and understand it well. This is to reassure yourself by not putting the blame on others once you have failed. Success does not come without failures of course, only determination and not giving up rewards you what you want at the end of the day.

See it or believe it because the decision you make will justify whom you are. It is not an option, yet it is a choice and that gives you the power to your own life. Directions come differently in life too, as shown in all roads that many signboards lead to different places. It doesn’t force you to take one direction but it gives you optional choices to choose from, where in the end it is up to you to decide where you wanna go. Don’t blame others for your choices for it is your own, because nobody can take away for what you are within your soul.

As I am what I am today, there have been good and bad through its time. I may have lost certain things but I have never regretted for making the decision when I was only 13. Today, I am proud to be a triathlete I must say. For what I have achieved, I’m glad I did and I’ve discovered my capabilities. For what I have failed, I’m grateful that I have learned my lessons and pursue to be better again. There is always time for changes, and it takes is just effort to make it better. I know I’m selfish, and I know I can get rid of this behavior which has affected my love ones. I’m not changing for them nor for myself, but it is for a better day where life can be brought to greater happiness and appreciation. Till then, I may achieve another great ordeal in life to tell another tale. What says you? Live it, or…do it!

By Jacques Yvez

Just someone cheating?

We often hear people would say certain awful things during break ups, but most commonly known to many is the cheating. I wouldn’t define it as cheating clearly in this article, but to many people I have known would usually come forth to say he or she has been cheated.

Yes, firstly I would say cheating is disgraceful. Of course, it is always bad to cheat and tell lies in life. But then, how could you simply define cheating? Cheating as in? In what way would you simplify cheating rationally and logically? You see, the funny thing is communication is often complicated in relationships. As the fact is that certain matters would become sensitive in relationship and hence does not tolerate wider communicative barrier, it will all be restricted due to individual’s consideration, and perhaps manipulation to be considered too.

Now, in my passed experiences I was being called a liar in relationship because I was not telling or constantly updating my girlfriend about everything I do. Here is the catch, I was not telling because I didn’t think it was a need to as I was in no boot camp to report myself to any captain or colonel. Then of course, since I was already in a relationship then why not trust me. It was clear enough that my routine was already in brief and nearly where ever I went she knows where to find me, most likely there was a GPS tracking system beacon in me. You see, the reality is I wasn’t married or attached to her in full commitment. I’m still single till today, so that doesn’t mean when a person is in a relationship he or she must be in controlled in order to keep that trust in a strong bond. Of course, when I thought of this matter from my past I see it as a very immature relationship. At first I didn’t feel bother, but as the journey went on I felt it has become a burden and pressure instead. But I was really lucky that it is all over.

So my point is, not telling doesn’t mean cheating at all because everyone deserves to have their own privacy and secrets. Trust of course on the other hand is one of the most important features in relationship or as well as just about anything in human relation. Many people I came across would often define couple must always remain open sharing to each other unconditionally. But when I disagree with this in a way where I see every one of us, I would like mention this again, deserves a little privacy at least in our very own space. People deserve to be respected, treated nicely, and faithful. By respecting them, you give them stronger dignity. By treating them nicely, you get respect and kindness in return. By having faith in them, you will cherish more of your life together in happiness and joy.

Not all things work in just a way or one direction as we may think they do, but it all comes to the thinking and consideration that counts. Your boyfriend is out without telling you doesn’t he’s off to check on other girls. Your girlfriend is not talking to you tonight doesn’t mean she’s talking to some other guys. People need their own space and time to breathe and regenerate their own lives. Humans are no pet to anyone, though we are capable of killing our own species.

But still, we have emotions and bleed the same color of blood. Selfishness is always the major issue in all relationship, as they recreate the barrier to exile their own world to the real world. Your boyfriend or girlfriend may be the one you love, but loving is not about imprisonment somebody just because you think he or she belongs to you. Look, nobody belongs to anybody because it is priceless. He or she is with you is because of what love has brought both of you together, and not because you spent a 100 dollars on him or her and becomes yours forever. So let it free, everybody deserves freedom of their own right to do what they wish to. He wants to get a drink in the bar, let him be because he will be happy. She wants to hang out with her girls, let her be because she will feel more like a girl…trust, girls do feel the changes in them when they are too stuck with a guy for too long and that’s why they would become more aggressive and daring in arguments or conversations. You must allow that freedom in your life, as it is the essential key for yourself to see the world in a bigger picture too.

Even though you may wanna be the controller of everything, but it would be even worse for yourself rather than the person you control. Here is why; you become obsess, you become limited through your own personality, you become a narcissist, your ego grows even stronger, all the negativity starts to eat you alive, and sooner or later your life will be seen as nightmares by others. Or in other words, I should say you will most likely to be seen as a psychopath! Why does this happen? This is because it is your own choice that you made to develop that control or monitor. It is unhealthy for relationships to go that way, as many have ended in really awful manner.

So why not be more positive? Not telling is not a bad thing after all, it would be least of a worry sometimes. Even if you think you wanna share something, find the right time because you would wanna consider his or her life too. Cheating doesn’t come that cheap anyway, it is not something that everybody can do it takes large amount of effort too. Then of course, trust comes along in confidence too. People may feel insecure sometimes because they feel insecure about themselves and that is why they would start feeling insecure about the others, again that’s an egoistic thinking or mindset. So that is why it is important to have freedom to regain your own inspiration, motivation and concentration in your life. There is nothing guilty in opening yourself up to the world and breathe in fresh air. Don’t be scared by the fact that the world would be mean and harmful to you, because if you don’t try you will never know what’s good or bad.

So take some time and reconsider what is in your situation, take a break or a walk to feel what surrounds you. See the wonders in colours for they would colour your life too. Feel the rhythm of happiness for they bounce up and down in many ways. See yourself in 5 years time and save the answers to yourself, then recap of your current life and compare them. Perhaps you might even find what you need to restructure your current relationship to a better step. Trust your love one, he or she is with you for that very reason is the heart that matters. Don’t buy words too much as actions speak louder; give it a time and space, because at the end of the very you will discover more to words than what you think may be cheating…be smart ey!

by Jacques Yvez

Answer of Lies

Recently, there have been many speculations and observations regarding matters of how everyone's life is getting affected from the economy crisis. Yet, beyond that there is always other stories to be told rather than just about devastation of financial matters and businesses, and so on.

I don't see how my life is getting affected by the world's ferocious problematic issues. Pretty still the same as I, triathlon and studies, and of course the very thing of the unknown lies the story of Love. I am most delighted for what I have achieved in my studies, I did my internship in Halliburton with a promising career in future, which nothing much to concern but yet to pursue further wise and firm decision indeed. Triathlon, the very sporting lifestyle I live through and defines my eternal life. For as long as I breathe I will never stop in a inch of this path I've taken.

For the past few weeks, I have been hidden and exiled in silence in order to restructure certain things that I have been going through. It could be anything from top to bottom that I see. Yes, for so long as I do know it was I that defines myself as a person. Live as a person I have, and looking back into the past I have somehow realised the changes and patterns of revolution in my life, interesting indeed. I wouldn't be too detail regarding this, as a concern of too long in the writing, so I'm just gonna move directly into one part which may seem interesting to me and you.

Here is another story to be told in the life of modesty, in the presence of a fairy tale once upon a time. Yes, I have been single for over a year and a half since the last break up with Syaza...then of course, some of you may know what happen after that too, no details follow. So came last year, 2008, a blessed year of joy and adventures! It was before Christmas that I met Victoire de l'amour, indeed truly it was wonderful to have met such a profound beauty. Neither I nor the girls could deny my description was beyond the imaginable. Of course, she was listed number in the list as many of you know. For I have to say she's indeed a great person I have came across once again, genuine interaction between the world of lust and freedom love have once more been torn apart. That somehow took away a soul that have dwelled well within me. I never regretted indeed for it is a decision made wisely for I have seem voyages in many sights of love.

Yes, Victoire and Yvez were happy. Most of you knew how wonderful it was, and then...it came the drama behind the scenes. Always remember, there will always be a balance of good and bad precisely as it would adjourned its destiny as it is directed to be. Of course, the problem was basically Victoire wasn't allow to see Yvez by the cold-hearted mother as to her Yvez is just another bad person. Yes, mentioned I have as many of you know how narcissist she was being a mother, the world has no longer been a better place than herself. Of course, the bond of love was strong enough to keep both's together. Right, there was nothing falsely to be accused of because we were doing righteousness and purely dating a positive manner's date! Furthermore, that was just one part that neither it bothered Yvez nor Victoire at heart...yet, it did bother her personally at heart.

So again, I would like to clarify this statement clearly that "In the consent of mankind's philosophy, Jacques Yvez is a man who would only date women younger than him and shall always at hands be pure and faithful to the life he has." and respect that for I do not seem to have caused trouble in you nor him nor her nor them. Not too long ago, after being apart for over month, the relationship finally ended with doubtful manners. You see, I dislike answers or matters that are being left in between a matter of right or wrong. Of course in my decision I would cut the line if I have to logically and rationally after precisely calculative measures. No doubt, Victoire was going through certain hardship to my knowledge and whatever is beyond that I have not see remain unknown, and best kept apart from me to as I do not wish to be confused again. Thus, on a night of silence...the relationship was being ended by a simply phone call made by myself courageously. It was clear that very night Victoire declared the relationship to be ended; firstly mentioned by her aunt that she no longer feels affection, and lastly she is stressed up by her studies. Of course, I took that well as being expected too. So as a legitimate gentleman, I respected her decision as it was wise enough for me to be set free once more, and also to her goodwill in considerations for what would be the best for both's. So again, clearly I was no longer listed in relationship which means I am always single as I would say. No hard feelings nor devastation, a little disappointment in some perspective and yet I took it well enough as a form of lesson. Then yet, our friendship still remains in good faith.

Hence, well enough I have been...then came a few days ago when hes aunt asked of what have I told to people who questioned regarding my relationship. Of course, for I shall not lie to my friends and not to my closest friends who value me more than diamond I have answered them honestly "I got dumped!" which seemed fair enough to put an answer to a question. But I was a little surprised when her aunt says "You shouldn't tell people that because you guys are only taking time off from the relationship" and I was speechless for a moment. I was thinking to myself, was me or Victoire that was not being clear and comprehensively of our situation back that night. Fair enough, the reality is the relationship ended in the initiation of Victoire's decision. So clear enough to me or everyone else that explain logically when 2 people are no longer in relationships, whether time of or space needed or time, it will always be considered a break up...because both are walking its way and apart. Even though if Victoire does wish to resume the relationship, it wouldn't be a problem too for I am not waiting neither herself and yet good faith will always come together.

For that I speak for myself that I am truly being honest to my life, and you my dearest readers. Yet, there are those scavengers who seek gossips and affairs negatively to jeopardize and ruin the life of others will always be ignored...you come in ways of harm, and yet I will come in ways of destruction to your's. Yes, for now I am freely as I am to be for that is my decision in life.

I see different alternatives and solutions to many matters and it is always the very wise decision that takes a good effort for a good or bad outcome. And perhaps, dating isn't a big sin after all when a life similar to mine in no controls shall always have the choice to be chose. Evangeline is avail in times afar, Jewell is seen after ages and rediscover her soul is eventually an ongoing hunt, Stephania has grown wiser to a beauty of lust, while Christine lives with laughter and joy for I could not deny her humor, Phoebe the innocent one meant no harm but goodwill, and Lynette meant certain manners of betrayal and lust. Still more to come for its countless measures are not to been seen and yet to be lived with. So long for I am here, there will tales of all that might be just what you have seek in the awakenings of a new day.

by Jacques Yvez