The way I feel..

Everything seems to be different these days, especially my relationship. I've been asking myself if I'm already ready to be in a relationship or should I have more time for myself and get a stable life. There is just too much confusion in my head.

I thought my current relationship would be stable, but yet there are many obstacles. I wish to give up sometimes as I don't wish to bother about all of it. I've given my 100% commitment to my partner, unlike last time I had affairs, but not anymore this time as I'm serious about my relationship. Eventhough there are other girls to choose, but I still decide to stick with the one I adore. But it's because of my friendliness, I got her confused and lose her trust on me. Is it my fault? Is it because of my attitude? Or it's just me being flirty or cheeky?

I'm a friendly guy, and a very open minded person. I talk alot, as I enjoy conversation, I love making jokes because it is fun to laugh and cheer people, and I enjoy meeting new people or friends. It's not that I flirt around or trying to court other girls, but it's just meeting friends and having new people in life. I don't feel controled, but what I feel most is curiousity because I just don't understand why meeting new friends would be a thought of flirting. Is this what you call obsession? Or just because I'm her possession?

Does people change in a relationship? This is a question where I always think and try to observe people around me. Many people do change when they're in a relationship, I mean from a stage of being single to attach but this is a common change for many when they take a first step into relationship. But the changes during a relationship is the trigger to many problems. There can be many types of changes in a relationship, but I guess mine has changed from sweet to bittersweet!

I love my girlfriend alot, I'm neither bored nor fed up of her. I really enjoy having her in my life, and she takes my blues away. But there are some changes I feel in her which I don't really know. Last time our conversations were very interesting, maybe that is because we have just met each other not for long so finding and trying understand each other were lots of conversations. But as time passes by, we started to get to know each other and better, we shared tons of our lives together. So till these days, I do feel empty in a conversation (not knowing what to talk about). Perhaps Ivy was right, I do need to take her out of Miri and go travel so then I can develop my relationship to a better stage again. Miri is boring for sure, nothing much to do here, just a small town. Eventhough she spends lots of time with me, but I guess we really need to get some advetures.

I really hope my relationship will last long as I don't wish to go through another war. And it is not easy to find somebody you can love and get along with, the search is hard but it is tougher when you're trying to get along. I'm lucky to have Syaza, I feel glad and blessed. But perhaps because of the quarrels we had certain times, they did make me fed up but it let me learn and understand more about relationship. For the love that I always have, it will not fade no matter how strong the storm is.