Suicide Attempt #1

I couldn't control myself yesterday, because my adrenaline was pumping basically when I started to think I should go cycling without my helmet, and so I did. I did a 70mins ride, some speed , hill climb and cadence work. But I find it awesome though, because I could feel the rush of the adrenaline whenever I surpass a car at high speed. I was wishing I would die or get a bad crash or something, so that I can get over my break up and forget the world. I told myself that the sky was sunny, the breeze was fresh, the heat was high, thus it was a good day to die!

I was going 40km/hr on constant, then at come parts I was drafiting behind big trucks where the speed reached 55km/hr. I felt the fun of going high speed, and I could feel the adrenaline rush. I haven't felt the adrenaline rush for so long since I last did the extreme adventurous thing I used to do. My coach has said it before, at some stage I'm a very self-destructive person. So it's true I find it only the adrenaline makes me feel better now, so I'm telling myself to do more extreme stuffs. Knowing the danger is there, but it is fun when you can deal with it then survive it. So I cycled without my helmet, does it sound dangerous? Well, it will seem dangerous when the crash happen. But after all, I'm doing what I can to make me feel better again, and I will attempt all the risks over and over again just like before.