I Wonder

I had a good training yesterday back in the pool, it was an endurance swim. It wasn't easy though because I was following Coach Sazali's programme. It was tough but I enjoyed it alot! But the pool was kinda crowded yesterday so it's a little hard to swim. After my main sets, I just pulled off from the pool and headed to the gym. After all, I had a great workout.

I woke up around 4 plus this morning, very early! And I did a 55mins easy run, I felt good at first not untill I could feel the pain in my left leg again. I guess my old injury is back though, Nerve Entrapment! Nobody likes injury for sure, as it only slows you down in your training. I really gotta take good care of my legs, as I don't wanna be delayed in my training.

Each and everyday now I would do yoga, it has really helped me to relax and destress myself. I've been doing the meditation, and it's very nice. Each day I only meditate for about 10-15mins, as I'm only a beginner. An Indian guy thought me though, and he's really good in it. I've learnt so much from him, but there's still more to learn. Meditation is a way to find inner peace in ourselves, thus your life can be more wonderful once you start to meditate. I start to see the changes in me after each meditation, and I really hope it can take away my depression.

I've been lonely though lately, because life just feel so different now. I have no one else to care for me and stand by my side. I have no one to share my joy and laughter with, and no one to hear my heart. It feels really bad being alone, as it's like being kept inside darkness. Nothing seems to cheer me up, eventhough I've tried to keep myself busy and not think of anything. Honestly, I miss Zaza alot. I miss having her in my life, I miss all the happiness and laughters we had, I miss her caring, I miss her smile, I miss her words that motivate & support me, I miss her, I miss every single thing about her. But too bad, I'm all alone, and it feels so hard to miss somebody that you love, but yet it's lost. This is another tough time of my life, and I gotta get through it. I don't know what's gonna happen in my life as everything just don;t seem to go anywhere. I really need someone to be by my side and support me. I wanna forget what's in my past, and have a brand new life. I wanna do it by myself but yet I feel too weak to, as I'm drowning and dwell in darkness.

I wanna get up and stay happy as ever and better than ever! Eventhough I miss Zaza alot, but what can I do? She hates me for the mistakes I made, and won't forgive me as it's too much for her. I guess there's nothing much I can do about it though. Sometimes it is weird because people would not remember the good deeds in you, but instead they remember the mistakes that you have made. Is it because they don't appreciate you? Or is it because they're are too selfish? I don't really know what's going through Zaza's mind as we hardly speak these days, but all that i hope for is she will be alright. I know we were so much in love while we were still together. We had so many wonderful memories together, memories that I've never had. I can't really forget such wonderful memories for sure, as it's the true love, joy, and happiness that we have shared. But well, everything seems to be unhappy now.

And I'm only praying to God for a better days, and hopefully God has his mercy. I miss Zaza, and I hate being alone. But whatever emotion that I'm going through now, I know the sunshiny days will come once again!

LIVESTRONG!