Sometimes...

Here I am, got myself wondering about my life once more, or more than ever. Sometimes I just do not know myself anymore after all these years, and I do ask myself if this is part of life's growing cycle - I still have not found and an answer, as I have never searched. I feel that, sometimes, there are things that going around in life just shouldn't be knew. And, it is really best to have gone pass by whatever there is in life like a train, even if it means of passing by the good things. Well, I don't know what I'm saying actually so consider I am just being lost and confused.

There's been much going on lately, especially on Thursday, something just really happened out of my expectation - which I had no clues at all. I was surprised and stunned to be honest, I didn't know what to do as well, just point blank. I received 2 calls on the same day, totally unexpected - first call came in the morning and the other in the afternoon - then I met these callers for the appointment. Out of nowhere, no idea, not knowing how, I received two jobs offered for at managerial level. I was blown out of words and really didn't know what to say, because I have never applied to these companies before and not a word about wanting to work for them. And for some reason, which I do not know, the offers were 10 times better than what I have been doing. But still, at this point, I have not decided anything yet because Y.I is operating smoothly and I would like to strengthen my focus on it. Perhaps, I still have plenty of time to decide given that December is a long holiday, I have till January.

Does things actually happen out of expectation? Sometimes, I wonder. But I'll never know the answer because I would not seek for it. After all that I have been through lately, tremendous among of challenges, I am still here and good things turn out of no where.So I guess everything happens for a reason, a reason which I do not know at all. No one knows how it feels to be in my shoes, my life, my destiny - it's easier to say rather than act on it - but one needs to know by living and realizing it, and not just words. I do not find myself lucky, happy, lively or so. At this stage, I consider myself nothing and just nothing at all. I am nobody to anything that I have been, it is just me down inside here.

So what is it gonna be next? I have no idea, no plan, just nothing by myself. Sometimes, I just thought it would be better to leave life and let it aside. My soul needs a break from hell. And, it is clear that I have not been seen in a cheerful manner too. I only have yogurt drink to fill me up everyday, just no appetite to eat, and it's the only drink that makes me feel better. Training has been good and painful, I guess it is the only left for me to do to find myself back in pieces, and it does not concern the cost of it at all. I hope for nothing, and I fear for nothing - down insides, somehow, there is a courage in me to live through everything. I may not be the strongest person in the world, but at least I am human enough to make mistakes and learn the lesson.

Sometimes, I guess life is just like cycling - there is the good day then there is the bad day. On a good day, the ride goes nice and smooth. On a bad day, I could crash like I'd never imagined. Tough luck it is in my life, and I don't claim myself to be happy or so when I am still in exiled. Time will get it through a window on emptiness, only one shall find the key by the window to the vision beyond.

It is Saturday, sometimes, and it is the most favourite day of my life. Yet, I do not know what I am doing here and just wondering nothing. I guess for some reason, I am still here living for another tomorrow.

What's it gonna be? Just sometimes...