An Afternoon

Just an afternoon by myself, it got me wondering about you again. The whole world now just seems to be cold, silent and lonely. I don't even know myself anymore, but just feeling helplessly lost. I just don't know what else I can do other than doing nothing, because everything has happened so sudden.

I feel weak in a way, like there is not energy to move around. Doris was saying I am still in the state of shock and it's gonna take time to recover, which I think today I feel better than yesterday. But my heart is still feeling weak, and not beating at the level where it should be.

The situation now is just plain nothing at all, that's why there is nothing I can do. I know people are saying bad things about me, which I don't even bother to fight back because I am tired of it already. But there are those who are here for me, it's really surprising me and totally unexpected.

All the while I have quite lonely, because everybody knows of my relationship and would respect the fact of my privacy. Then when the problem happened, I felt alone at first because there is not one a single person I can turn to. I didn't even dare to tell my mum about it, but to hang on to it myself. But since yesterday, I have been seeing more messages than ever and I am thankful for it, they have been the greatest support I've ever needed now.

Unexpectedly, some are merely even close friends and people that I hardly know of, yet their caring have really shown me there is still kindness in this world. There is even one person which I have been mistakenly thinking she's quite bad in a way because of her reputation. But surprisingly she turned out to be somebody who is very caring and spiritually well manner. Her words have really brought me to the thought of the bright side, and set my sorrow away. I guess it is never right to judge a book by its cover, you just gotta get to know that person yourself.

My mind is still running in the state of confusion, there has been thoughts coming in and out. Foremost, I am still missing her, which the feeling is quite torturing. I can't help the fact of what she did, and also what she had said to me with all the cruel words. The pain that I am feeling is just tremendously painful, and unbreakable. Is time the only healer? That is what they say, but I say the only better way for me to deal with it now is embracing the pain - which somehow it dos make me feel better.

I promised myself to be a better person than I was, and I promised myself to be a stronger person that I was. Most of all, for all the prayers I have done, and God has been answering me truthfully.