Pain loves Numb

Monday morning is always the most beautiful start of the week, and I hope this week will turn out to be a better week for me. Last week has been horrible living through a nightmare. What could not happened has already happened; words have fallen apart, heart has broken and shattered, tears and sorrow were the perfect couple.

I went out for my run this morning in the park, it's a cold morning for sure and surprisingly I woke up automatically around 6 without any alarm. I really had a good sleep last night, the perfect sleep without a dream, everything was pitch black. I guess Belvedere vodka really helped me out. So I did a 45mins run in the park, actually thought of doing just easy because body is still weak, yet I eventually pushed myself to the wall really hard.

The pain felt horrible during the run, but yet that took the pain in my heart away. I started to realize I have not been embracing pain all these times. Perhaps, I have been living in the comfort zone for too long. Pain suddenly just feel so sharp and could feel that the whole body is literally being stabbed. I ran as hard as I could to unleash that pain in me, release all that frustration in me, and let go of everything in me.

I think I was running faster than ever before, I could feel I was soaring across the path. It felt really fast, and I felt freedom. It was like as if I was being freed from something that has exiled me all the while. But yet, they key to that was Pain. The pain in my heart felt like nothing to the pain I had to endure during my run. That really made me realize Pain is beautiful, and it hits you hard every time in life.

It was suffering on the run, yet I was freed from sorrow. So I have learn that you just gotta embrace pain to be better, the harder it hits you the harder you get with it, eventually Pain will disappear and becomes numb.

I feel numb now, blank, empty. It feels like nothing at all, but free. Perhaps, it has been too much going on lately and my time has come. Is this how death feels like? Pain at first, then follow by emptiness. Maybe yes, maybe not. We will never know. But one thing for sure, Pain really helps to grow and be better.

I suffer now, and better days will come.