Somehow, I am just fed up of everything around me lately. I just feel so miserable and terrible as nothing seems to be what I'm seeing. Time passes so fast, yet life seems to be moving so slowly. I feel really boring these days, especially lately as nothing seems to amuse me at all. Even what I do best and what I love most don’t seem to give me that feel of something meaningful as everything seem to be so blanked and plain. Meaningless, no directions and as if I’m lost in the jungle because nothing feels fun anymore. Somehow, I feel like I’m hollow as I feel like I have got no feelings towards anything at all. Whenever someone say something to me or talk to me, I do not have proper respond at all as I just feel so hesitate to talk. I just feel like keeping quiet and keep the silence to myself yet trying to find my own way.
Sometimes, I wish there is someone who I can actually speak my heart out with yet there seem to be no one but just myself. No one is around anymore as it is just me being alone here in this place. It feels dark, cold and lovely yet my heart still dwells within a light of hope in searching of something. Things change as we all grow up, nothing seems to be the way it was before because the road of life is a journey that pushes forward no matter what. The darkness is just so cold surrounding me, there is nothing more than I can hear. Silence has become my language these days, I just don’t talk much anymore as I just don’t how to express myself or talk to anybody. It feels like everyone is a stranger to me and I just don’t feel it’s me if I were to fit me. The circles I find are just circles of lies where nothing seem to be true, because that is how life is where there is no perfection at all. Silence I have, no words can ever describe what I have that dwells in me because I don’t seem to have the keep to unlock the door. No one, I can seem to talk with though. I tried, yet I failed, then I tried again yet I failed. It feels hard not being heard sometimes because the more you keep inside the more the weight of the burden increase, it just feels heavier and heavier. But yet, the only person that is left is I and myself for I am the only to speak out my heart. Everything is difficult for sure, even in trying the best to live a life yet it is always hard to do so because too many obstacles in life can just bring you down like an avalanche. Of course, no matter how tough things can get in life you still try your best to stand up and not fallen again and again.
But yet, when trying over and over again you just get tired and fed of it. Sometimes, our strength can be very limited no matter far we have already push ourselves to because we are not robots and no matter how tough and perfect we can be yet there is always a weakness within everyone of us. I just feel so fed up at some point because I feel tired, I’m tired of all the things around me all of the sudden as I do not seem have the inspiration and motivation to go on. It is just be feeling tired and feel like I need a break, I need to breakaway from all that is surrounding. All my breath has been taken away yet never came back, and I’m still breathing hard to live on. Life is tough but it’s even tougher when you don’t do anything about it. The real thing is life is just a word that we know yet the meaning of it something we don’t only yet is what we do.
My life is boring, somehow finally someone said it to me today as I felt so much better after all because I finally got to know someone can understand the type of life I live. Rebecca, a friend of mine, happened to be in the pool today with her boyfriend Ukui then we had a long chat. I know I complain a lot about being single because it is really making me feeling really bored. Its’ not like I have a choice or something but yet I’m doing what I have living my life, yet it does feel so bored when you’re not doing what you do best because you’re just alone. I do try my best to get rid of my boredom by reading, writing, and dating but of course if you the same thing over and over again for long you might feel bored of it as well. Then, out of a sudden today everybody says I am choosy. Right, I guess I gotta admit that I am choosy after all. Even though I have told people and clarified that I’m not as well, but yet it has come to my realization that I am choosy after. Well, the thing about being choosy is because I do not wish to end our suffering in a relationship and have a hard time for both. It is not a good thing to because it would just hurt anyone including myself. A relationship is not something to play around with because it is the key to a life of two person and not taking is as a game because you might end up being played by the game as many people have already got their retributions for playing too much, where as some are even devastated. Perhaps, it is just that I’m not ready or something like I feel lazy to go through a relationship again doesn’t matter if it is good or bad, because the one thing about me I set things straight as I want it or would love it to be from consideration of the other half as well. Here is how relationship works as it is all about compromises. Then the fear of certain things in relationship is always there and I’m very sure everyone has gone through their own nightmares and would put them to a phobic stage in other relationship. Of course, to overcome this would mean you gotta have the guts to do and move on which I would give myself a chance to eventually. But yet, it is hard to fall in love with somebody when you know you don’t really have anyone else to fall in love with. I have dated so many girls yet no one seems to be compatible or click to be honest about it, after all it is still me being choosy down to the bottom line. I do give chances yet it is always being abandoned by trust.
It is really hard to trust just about anyone these days, sometimes even your own family can’t be trusted. Nowadays, I just refuse to trust anyone because I realised no one is being honest and it is all lies. Words of lies, and they are just so fake. It is so easy to know when a person is actually lying just by their eyes and gestures by these are the two common factors to reveal a lie. I have seen how many have already lied to me and I just kept quiet about it, yet I just pretend I do not know anything and pretend they are still my friends. I don’t really enjoy having such friends around because it feels disgusting and disrespectful because they are not even respecting you. Their smiles are just so fake by the moment they smile, and you can know by looking into their eyes because the eyes will only tell the truth where it betrays all lies. I do keep all these to myself because even the closest people around me can pull out a lie on me, think I do not know yet I know everything that is going on but just pretending I do not know. At some point I do feel glad to be alone because you don’t have to bother about being cheated or lied or even hurt by it. Some people may think I’m stuck up and not appreciating friendship, but the truth is I’m staying in the circle of lies where it would only make my life more miserable. This is how cruel people can be when they start to lie for their own good because people can be very selfish and inconsiderate, doesn’t matter of he or she seems very good looking because appearances can be very deceiving and yet it is still the eyes that betray all. I don’t mix around much these days because of such problems, not that I don’t wanna face such problems but it is just not worth the fight of it as it is a waste of life. The dramas and gossips are just too rubbish at all as I can suppose these people got nothing else better to do or they can’t get the hell enough out of their own life and start being jealous. Sometimes, people just like to condemn other people because of their jealousy and love to see the devastation of others’ lives. This is how cruel people can be as well, yet what they do not is the destruction that they bring to themselves. I’m so bother by it for now because I have been telling myself not to trust people and just don’t trust people easily because it is not worth the risk to take. Yet, I do have certain people that I trust but still I keep an awareness and even if they lie there is nothing I can do because it is their wish to lie and it is not my jurisdiction to say not to lie, only God knows for sure. The only concern I have is those who have lied so much and yet I wonder what is gonna happen to them, because at the end of the very day they can get so dramatic. Even guys are good being drama queens these days, not just the girls. Girls fake it good when they lie as many guys are just blinded to see, yet it is so easy to track their lies. Lies, the only thing that everyone is good at by hurting others. I just hate it when people start to lie because it feels so cruel and disrespectful. Even some people claim they themselves are so good, kind, polite, well manner, and so on yet they can be very good liars, as their deceptions are often done positively where they don’t keep their words.
Many people don’t keep their words these days as they only say it for fun, or just to say it and it can be forgotten. Indeed, Never is a Promise from Angela Aki, people don’t keep their promises because it will never happen as there is no sincerity and faith. Again, people just say things for fun and that’s it. Here is one thing, why can’t people just don’t make promises when they know they can’t keep it? It seems really fun for them to keep empty promises after, and perhaps these are the type of people who has no moral and family values. Yet it is a shame on such people because they can’t and unable to live the life they wish as the only they can do best is to try and take others’. Promise is just a word, and never is an ending that shows all.
I’m just feeling fed up with everything around me, and I just hope I can get through it. Perhaps I’m just feeling nervous about the race this Sunday. Unlike the past 2 years, Syaza was there to support me all the time and was always there to support me mentally. And this year, it is all without her and I gotta focus it right by myself. What past has passed, it is only a history or memory, but yet the importance is now because it is the now that holds the future.
"Friendship is just a passing cloud"
By Jack Ho
Sometimes, I wish there is someone who I can actually speak my heart out with yet there seem to be no one but just myself. No one is around anymore as it is just me being alone here in this place. It feels dark, cold and lovely yet my heart still dwells within a light of hope in searching of something. Things change as we all grow up, nothing seems to be the way it was before because the road of life is a journey that pushes forward no matter what. The darkness is just so cold surrounding me, there is nothing more than I can hear. Silence has become my language these days, I just don’t talk much anymore as I just don’t how to express myself or talk to anybody. It feels like everyone is a stranger to me and I just don’t feel it’s me if I were to fit me. The circles I find are just circles of lies where nothing seem to be true, because that is how life is where there is no perfection at all. Silence I have, no words can ever describe what I have that dwells in me because I don’t seem to have the keep to unlock the door. No one, I can seem to talk with though. I tried, yet I failed, then I tried again yet I failed. It feels hard not being heard sometimes because the more you keep inside the more the weight of the burden increase, it just feels heavier and heavier. But yet, the only person that is left is I and myself for I am the only to speak out my heart. Everything is difficult for sure, even in trying the best to live a life yet it is always hard to do so because too many obstacles in life can just bring you down like an avalanche. Of course, no matter how tough things can get in life you still try your best to stand up and not fallen again and again.
But yet, when trying over and over again you just get tired and fed of it. Sometimes, our strength can be very limited no matter far we have already push ourselves to because we are not robots and no matter how tough and perfect we can be yet there is always a weakness within everyone of us. I just feel so fed up at some point because I feel tired, I’m tired of all the things around me all of the sudden as I do not seem have the inspiration and motivation to go on. It is just be feeling tired and feel like I need a break, I need to breakaway from all that is surrounding. All my breath has been taken away yet never came back, and I’m still breathing hard to live on. Life is tough but it’s even tougher when you don’t do anything about it. The real thing is life is just a word that we know yet the meaning of it something we don’t only yet is what we do.
My life is boring, somehow finally someone said it to me today as I felt so much better after all because I finally got to know someone can understand the type of life I live. Rebecca, a friend of mine, happened to be in the pool today with her boyfriend Ukui then we had a long chat. I know I complain a lot about being single because it is really making me feeling really bored. Its’ not like I have a choice or something but yet I’m doing what I have living my life, yet it does feel so bored when you’re not doing what you do best because you’re just alone. I do try my best to get rid of my boredom by reading, writing, and dating but of course if you the same thing over and over again for long you might feel bored of it as well. Then, out of a sudden today everybody says I am choosy. Right, I guess I gotta admit that I am choosy after all. Even though I have told people and clarified that I’m not as well, but yet it has come to my realization that I am choosy after. Well, the thing about being choosy is because I do not wish to end our suffering in a relationship and have a hard time for both. It is not a good thing to because it would just hurt anyone including myself. A relationship is not something to play around with because it is the key to a life of two person and not taking is as a game because you might end up being played by the game as many people have already got their retributions for playing too much, where as some are even devastated. Perhaps, it is just that I’m not ready or something like I feel lazy to go through a relationship again doesn’t matter if it is good or bad, because the one thing about me I set things straight as I want it or would love it to be from consideration of the other half as well. Here is how relationship works as it is all about compromises. Then the fear of certain things in relationship is always there and I’m very sure everyone has gone through their own nightmares and would put them to a phobic stage in other relationship. Of course, to overcome this would mean you gotta have the guts to do and move on which I would give myself a chance to eventually. But yet, it is hard to fall in love with somebody when you know you don’t really have anyone else to fall in love with. I have dated so many girls yet no one seems to be compatible or click to be honest about it, after all it is still me being choosy down to the bottom line. I do give chances yet it is always being abandoned by trust.
It is really hard to trust just about anyone these days, sometimes even your own family can’t be trusted. Nowadays, I just refuse to trust anyone because I realised no one is being honest and it is all lies. Words of lies, and they are just so fake. It is so easy to know when a person is actually lying just by their eyes and gestures by these are the two common factors to reveal a lie. I have seen how many have already lied to me and I just kept quiet about it, yet I just pretend I do not know anything and pretend they are still my friends. I don’t really enjoy having such friends around because it feels disgusting and disrespectful because they are not even respecting you. Their smiles are just so fake by the moment they smile, and you can know by looking into their eyes because the eyes will only tell the truth where it betrays all lies. I do keep all these to myself because even the closest people around me can pull out a lie on me, think I do not know yet I know everything that is going on but just pretending I do not know. At some point I do feel glad to be alone because you don’t have to bother about being cheated or lied or even hurt by it. Some people may think I’m stuck up and not appreciating friendship, but the truth is I’m staying in the circle of lies where it would only make my life more miserable. This is how cruel people can be when they start to lie for their own good because people can be very selfish and inconsiderate, doesn’t matter of he or she seems very good looking because appearances can be very deceiving and yet it is still the eyes that betray all. I don’t mix around much these days because of such problems, not that I don’t wanna face such problems but it is just not worth the fight of it as it is a waste of life. The dramas and gossips are just too rubbish at all as I can suppose these people got nothing else better to do or they can’t get the hell enough out of their own life and start being jealous. Sometimes, people just like to condemn other people because of their jealousy and love to see the devastation of others’ lives. This is how cruel people can be as well, yet what they do not is the destruction that they bring to themselves. I’m so bother by it for now because I have been telling myself not to trust people and just don’t trust people easily because it is not worth the risk to take. Yet, I do have certain people that I trust but still I keep an awareness and even if they lie there is nothing I can do because it is their wish to lie and it is not my jurisdiction to say not to lie, only God knows for sure. The only concern I have is those who have lied so much and yet I wonder what is gonna happen to them, because at the end of the very day they can get so dramatic. Even guys are good being drama queens these days, not just the girls. Girls fake it good when they lie as many guys are just blinded to see, yet it is so easy to track their lies. Lies, the only thing that everyone is good at by hurting others. I just hate it when people start to lie because it feels so cruel and disrespectful. Even some people claim they themselves are so good, kind, polite, well manner, and so on yet they can be very good liars, as their deceptions are often done positively where they don’t keep their words.
Many people don’t keep their words these days as they only say it for fun, or just to say it and it can be forgotten. Indeed, Never is a Promise from Angela Aki, people don’t keep their promises because it will never happen as there is no sincerity and faith. Again, people just say things for fun and that’s it. Here is one thing, why can’t people just don’t make promises when they know they can’t keep it? It seems really fun for them to keep empty promises after, and perhaps these are the type of people who has no moral and family values. Yet it is a shame on such people because they can’t and unable to live the life they wish as the only they can do best is to try and take others’. Promise is just a word, and never is an ending that shows all.
I’m just feeling fed up with everything around me, and I just hope I can get through it. Perhaps I’m just feeling nervous about the race this Sunday. Unlike the past 2 years, Syaza was there to support me all the time and was always there to support me mentally. And this year, it is all without her and I gotta focus it right by myself. What past has passed, it is only a history or memory, but yet the importance is now because it is the now that holds the future.
"Friendship is just a passing cloud"
By Jack Ho
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