Monday Smile

Monday, a beautiful morning it is. Great weather - very breezy, beautiful sun - what a good day for a great start for a new life, with a smile.

It used to be like - steppin' ride out of my bed, gettin' myself ready for a ride. Pick my bike up, and have a start of my training for the rest of the day and week.

How I miss that life - the life of a triathlete - as true as it is, that is the soul in me. A soul that bounces through limits, soaring in the sky freely making dreams come true.

That morning ride, how I miss it so. The sun, the wind, the birds and the sight of nature are just breath-taking. It gets tough along the way, cover in pain and struggle. A struggle that gives more meaning to life - and life can be seen differently.

But all that is gone for now, for now perhaps...if not, I wouldn't be sitting here on a beautiful morning blogging my way through. That person I was seems gone already, and I just feel lost and empty at times because I couldn't see what I am now.

It feels depressing at some moment, it's hard to deal with. But I know I am living it through, just to see another gifted day. Yet, it feels hard unable to do what you're meant to be, and most of all what you're good at.

I feel my dream has been shattered, my goals have been burned to ashes, and most of all my life has been isolated. But to think about it, it is a new start for a better tomorrow because life just keeps unfolding in a new way.

A new way, can it be a promise? I can't even answer it myself, neither anyone. It dwelling it me, this unforgettable person that I was - because that's who I am, what I am.

I truly miss it...

I'm glad, in a way, I am still able to see another day and thankful to live. Life can be hard or easy, and I am taking the way it is. It is all down to me, as I don't share this often with anybody. I can only keep it to myself, as no one will choose to hear.

I do feel loneliness, and darkness...

One man standing alone, I guess that's just the way it is.

What I do now - a job - is for a better tomorrow, I know I can get this through because I am thankful for what I have now and I'll never know what's coming.

I do hope to resume the person I was someday - though it can be a painful one - but perhaps it's worth living it.

I may have hurt the person I love, as I am not the person I used to be. She will never know that depression I have right within, and she shall never know that loneliness in me.

I am happy to have her, but I am not happy that I have hurt her.

Only time will find my way back to be better, and that change is a promise - because life just keeps changing and never stayed the way it is.

With a smile I have, and a heart, I guess I am ready or was already to take the world.