Diary #643

Sunny Day

Today, I saw you. It has been a long time since I last saw you, and I never thought I would see you again. You were not too far away from me, then I saw you coming. I was delighted to see you, and I was indeed happy.

I wanted to greet you, I wanted to give you a smile, and I wanted to be your friend. Yet, you were too far from where I was. It was crowded and humid, I could see the lovely smile of yours but yet it wasn't me you were smiling at.

I was hiding, trying to run away from you. But I knew from time ago, I no longer exist in you. I was no one else but a stranger, and I was nothing else but invincible to you. Neither you could see me nor I could see you, perhaps it was a deal we made back then.

Again, I was happy to see you. I wish I could talk to you, and even take a smile from you...I really wish I could, and yet deep in me I couldn't. I denied, and I ignored for I assume you wouldn't, would you? I will not know the answer, neither you as well. But yet, I miss you.

I wish we can be friends again, nothing more but just friends. Even just a word would be good enough, I ask for nothing more. I'm sorry if you still hate me, but that hate has been long forgotten in me. I beg no mercy nor pity, but yet just a happy smile in you.

When you passed me by, I knew you were by my side. We both knew we're running away from something truthful, perhaps it is again a deal we made. I saw your eyes, though my eyes were hidden and never to be seen yet I lied. The moment you passed by...I smiled to you from my heart, and greeted you from my heart.

Your wavy hair was felt upon me, yet...I couldn't say a word to you. But yet, today you left me with a memory after 642 days which is I will never forget. It was truly pure I felt, and truly beautiful. However, I said to myself perhaps one day I shall tear the deal apart and venture to my guts. Would you ignore or accept? I wouldn't know.

What has passed is a past, and I no longer look back again at them for once. Only what's left of the happy still unfold at times when reminded. I truly had a great life in you, and yet I have even a greater life now. But don't be sorry nor angry, for I never blamed you as you did what you had to.

Yet, I really wandered of all these times. For who I was, I have given you tears and pain. For whom I was, I have given you joy and laughter. Yet in who I am today, if only I'm not Jacques Yvez...could it have been the same?

by Jacques Yvez

P/S: Syaza, may you be blessed for always...