Crystal Clear

Last Friday was great as Jason and I went down to the beach for sea swim training. The sea condition was good, beautiful crystal clear water, and moderate current. It was a 2km swim heading up to Lutong Beach from PBC, and at 1km mark where it is the fisherman's huts we turned back. The swim was great, at first we were againsting the current so Jason and I were pacing side by side, then it was so much easier to swim back as the current was driving us. I lost Jason once in awhile during our way back as he was behind me, I couldn't see him clearly as waves started to pick up so I had to stop for awhile just to wait for him. The sea condition was incredible that day, the water was so crystal clear because at about one meter depth I still could see the ground clearly. Miri's water hardly has such condition because it's greenish most of the time. During our break at the 1km mark, I saw 2 angel fish right in front of my eyes for the first time. They were just swimming right where we stood, it was beautiful. How I wish there are more coral reefs in Miri as it will be great for free-diving.

I've got bad stomach lately eversince last Wednesday and it got really bad on Thursday night. It's better now after a couple of days in agony. It was kinda hard for me to do my training because I don't eat much lately thus I feel weak, not just my stomach was giving me a hard time but also my personal life. More rumours about me and other girls are out, it's like a new season of movie!!! The drama keeps on going and never stop, I wonder what's up in these people's head as they never seem to stop bothering about others' life. Zaza has totally lost her confident in me once again as she's having a phobia about it. I feel so innocent when people backstab me this way, I didn't do anything wrong to them but yet they wanna screw up my life. I explained everything clearly till my heart drop out and my mind went outta words, still it doesn't convince Zaza at all. I didn't do anything, and all I have done is waiting for her to come back from KL. It's been really hard for us lately, she's been so mean and angry. I've been trying to calm her down and explained everything I could. Nobody has ever treated me this way, Zaza was so mean to me that she has no respect for me. She called me a motherfucker, a fuckin' liar, anak sial, babi, cibai lanjiao, stupid ass, sex maniac, etc. I was shocked when she started to call me by all those names, and that had really hurt me alot. She has always been a nice girl, sweet and gentle but I was so stunned when words like that could come out from her mouth. Her anger and temper were very hot, she could even curse me and kept telling me to go to hell. I never thought she would mention something like that as she never did. Zaza and I have been so clear that rumours are going around indeed, that's why I always tell her if I feel suspicious about people in my office. It has been giving me a heart attack. I've been honest with her, but yet she doesn't believe me and I had to begged her. I just don't understand why she has to treat me so badly because of the rumours, she knew it is just rumours and also understand it but yet I just don't get it why. It hurts my feelings and dignity alot, I'm a human as well as I have a heart and my blood is red. I really hope God would show me mercy.

I went down to Church on Saturday night alone, the church was dark and no one was there. I couldn't stand everything in my life no more, and God is the very last person I can ask for blessings. I pray to God with all my heart and hopefully peace will resurface once again.

Angie had a Gawai Open House last Saturday afternoon, so I went there after my training. It was nice to see Angie as I have not talked to her for a long time. She told me alotta problems which she has gone through, and I'm glad she's still alive and strong enough to move on. Around 7p.m, I was still in Angie's house chit chatting with her. Suddenly Zaza called me up and asked what I was doing, so I told her I was having a chat with Angie. I couldn't really hear her as the music was loud, and Zaza sounded in a hurry as she was in KL so I hung up. Then, she called me up the second time again. When I answered her call, the first thing I could her was her shouting and cursing. I was shocked because she was alright just a moment ago and her mood suddenly changed in seconds. I was terrified because I didn't do anything worng, I've already told her that I would be attending Angie's open house and she was fine with it though I asked for her permission 3 times. But then, she was shouting crazily over the phone and I was just plain blank. She kept telling me to get out of her and go fuck Angie, I was confused because there was nothing between Angie and I as we were just talking after all. Zaza had really freaked me out with a phone call like that, it sounded really bad.

Ooh my, guess my sunshine will come again someday. I just gotta be strong, and face all the challenges. Livestrong, and No Fear!